Finding out you're trans later in life is like watching a movie littered with spoilers for the ending but you don't realize it til you get to the end look back.
Same with autism.
As far back as I remember, I had a nagging sense that I could be secretly mentally challenged and nobody ever told me. Of course it's not quite true, and I recognized that it was irrational.
Now that I know I am autistic, and have the words to describe it: I simply had the very common autistic thought that something was wrong with me and that I didn't fit in society.
If you'll allow me to vent for second:
When I was 11 my mother got me assessed for being a "gifted kid" (at least here it seems to be an actual diagnosis you can get to help for school accomodations). I shit you not the assessor heard a 11 years old boy who she'd just shown a Rorschach test go "I don't see anything, it's just ink on paper" and she diligently checked the "nope, not autistic" box. I'm still fuming.
I had a similar childhood knowing I was different somehow but I don't think any adults around me would have even considered autism as a possibility when and where I grew up. I think even now they probably have the mindset of "no you're not the stereotypical depiction of a high needs autistic person" 🙄
Also, the fact that I went "I wonder what would happen if I were a girl" instead of "I wonder what would happen if he wasn't straight" is quite telling
M Night Shyandaman - "I'm a guy now! What a twist!"
(I know this is a transfem space, no offence meant, the pun works this way around)
So did you ask him out after you cracked?
I did, and he turned me down. We're still good friends to this day though, so it wasn't a bad ending either.
👏
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Just applauding! I love when poems begin and end with the same lines and I think you used it really powerfully 👏
Oh, I see! Thank you
Thankyou, I think I needed to read this
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