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submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net

I'm a fairly tall good looking dude and I can't help but shake the feeling I have "pretty privilege"- as it we're.

Food for my morning thought I guess.

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[-] PapaEmeritusIII@hexbear.net 24 points 9 months ago

I wouldn’t say I get “stuff,” but I do get:

  • Complete strangers politely asking me out on the street
  • An easier time being funny and charismatic if I want to be
  • Politely flirted with by MILFs and DILFs at the renaissance fair (I see this as a huge win)
  • The pity of strangers, if I look sad enough
  • Friends and acquaintances developing lil crushes on me (so far this has never gone badly for me)
  • Honked at by passing cars >:(
  • On one horrible occasion, an attempt at flirting from a man who has known me since I was a child kombucha-disgust
[-] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 21 points 9 months ago

I did, until I put on the mask. :bane-n95:

[-] sharedburdens@hexbear.net 21 points 9 months ago

When I was boymoding I was definitely 'pretty' but I also was really unhappy with how I looked, dressed like shit too. I'd go to bars in college and older ladies would buy me drinks and I just would pick up on zero of the flirting because I'm ace/oblivious blob-no-thoughts

Now I just mostly get honked at walking down the street agony-yehaw

[-] Assian_Candor@hexbear.net 18 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I don’t think being attractive is enough to overcome personality issues in the dating arena, but privilege of this type tends to manifest most obviously as educational/professional success in my experience. It’s like male privilege on overdrive

To be clear though I’m not freakishly attractive just above average. I had a friend in my 20s who would have girls come up to him in bars and ask him to take them home, like talk about life on easy mode. My dude was 6’3, chiseled and ate nothing but chips and salsa lol

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 2 points 9 months ago

No its not. I'd take charisma over being tall and pretty looking.

[-] arabiclearner@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I'd take charisma over being tall and pretty looking.

jesse-wtf cringe downbear

This is super tone deaf and pretty much a slap in the face to those who are short and not "good looking." Might as well say "yeah I'd rather be dirt poor and broke and have a good heart rather than having money not having to worry about material needs." With all due respect, go fuck yourself.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

You are malding over this dude. Chill. You act as if I'm directly targeting you with some of my posts

[-] arabiclearner@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

Either you are absolutely clueless as to how you come off, or you're intentionally playing dumb. I think you're the one that needs to chill out.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

You're the only one who's flipped their shit at my post. No chief, it's definitely you who needs to chill, shortie.

[-] arabiclearner@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

You're the only one who's flipped their shit at my post. No chief, it's definitely you who needs to chill, shortie.

Ah height shaming now.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

Please chill out dude.

[-] joaomarrom@hexbear.net 12 points 9 months ago

Yes, very much so

Mind you, I'm not goddamn Pedro Pascal over here, but the thing is, I used to be much less good looking, and then had a big glow up in my late 20s. Got in shape, got my shit together generally, and it absolutely does make a difference, especially for someone who works a public-facing job - teacher, in my case.

It's hard to quantify exactly how much better people treat me, of course, and although I'm a good looking guy, I'm not good looking enough to actually get free stuff, but every interaction feels different when you're not a slob like I used to be. I don't mean that like in terms of how attractive or conventionally beautiful you are. When it looks like you care about yourself and the way that you look, you instantly become more attractive, charming and approachable to people in a general way.

When people don't accept the fact that being conventionally beautiful is not entirely connected to being attractive, I just introduce them to Donny Benet.

[-] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 2 points 9 months ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[-] Anxious_Anarchist@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I wouldn't call myself very attractive, not ugly or anything just a bit fat, but I did notice that after I started dressing in punk clothes I started getting way more positive attention. People striking up conversations on the street, getting hit on in bars stuff like that.

[-] ButtBidet@hexbear.net 9 points 9 months ago

I'm definitely closer to ugly than attractive. I don't see there being a serious issue. I've had plenty of opportunities to make friends, and the very rare person that doesn't want to hang with me cuz of my looks, well they usually suck really hard anyhow.

In regards to privilege, I got straight white cis male from the West privilege. Compared to the average human, I'm pretty lucky. I'm not gonna fuss if hot people get chatted up more. I see beauty privilege as a double edge sword, for various reasons.

I've noticed that the very rare attractive narcissist can be pretty dangerous, as people follow them a bit too hard, but that's a different issue.

[-] Cherufe@hexbear.net 9 points 9 months ago

I wonder if anybody ever gave me anything due to my bad looks. As in "poor fella, the least I can due is share ice cream with him"

[-] Comp4@hexbear.net 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Carrying a mini fridge with me for all the free ice cream I get because im so ugly

[-] poppy_apocalypse@hexbear.net 3 points 9 months ago

I got a free breakfast burrito from a guy who thought I was homeless because when I go to do laundry I carry my clothes in a big hiking pack I have and I usually wear whatever I have that's clean, which is normally some ripped shorts and a slingshot.

[-] PointAndClique@hexbear.net 9 points 9 months ago

I have good days and bad, and on the rare days I'm composed it's noticeable that people treat me better. Like, it's hard to quantify but they'll be more responsive/receptive, like people will strike up conversations and they'll laugh at shitty jokes that shouldn't land. Other days I'm a trash goblin and people would rather stand than sit next to me on the train lolllll. I can't imagine what it would like to be attractive all the time.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 6 points 9 months ago

Yeah I'm not like fucking drop dead gorgeous or anything. I'm just a regular average attractive Joe. Enough so that dudes will straight-up call me "pretty boy" or ill get free stuff from women cashiers occasionally. Which is why I asked this in the first place haha

[-] Egon@hexbear.net 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I started working out around my late teens. I lost a lot of weight and also left the worst part of puberty behind. I vividly remember how different everyone started treating me - Teachers gave me better grades, acquaintances were easier to turn into friends, ticket controllers on the train were more often understanding when I had forgotten to stamp my ticket, it was easier to interview for jobs, it was easier to get dates, it was easier to get into 21+ nightclubs, it was easier to get shit for free and friends and family started listening to me and taking me more seriously.
This wasn't a result of me "becoming an adult", my life was functionally the same in all other aspects. I didn't behave or seem more "mature" either really. Just looks.

[-] erik@hexbear.net 6 points 9 months ago

As a man, I think it's more subtle and difficult to pick up on, for me anyway. But I've been doing the gym for almost a decade and it shows. I've got blond hair and blue eyes and a strong jaw. Once I started dating I was basically never single for longer than a few months. And so, on some level I know I'm doing alright for myself and I'm sure that gives me a privilege that others don't have. Like others have said, I'm not a model (I have a friend that's a model and an amateur bodybuilder, I know what truly good looking guys look like haha), but I've got pretty privilege, I think.

But I can't really give like concrete examples, outside of how blessed my dating life has been obviously, of how some time I noticed I got something just because of my looks. It's like trying to have a fish explain how water affects their life, it's just always been around and you don't think about it. But I know, from reading theory and what not, this world is built for cis het white guys like me, and it's even better if you're easy on the eyes, and I have benefited enormously from that. So academically, I know the water gives me oxygen, gives me a medium through which I move and benefits me, but hell if I could ever truly expand on that.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 4 points 9 months ago

Sounds about right. But isn't blonde hair and blue eyes usually seen as more desirable on women and dark hair better on men?

Excellent response though

[-] erik@hexbear.net 2 points 9 months ago

I think you're right, tall, dark and handsome is a cliche for a reason. I guess this why my friend is the model!

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 3 points 9 months ago

I was just teasing you anyways lol. I appreciate you participating and giving input.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 2 points 9 months ago
[-] anarchoilluminati@hexbear.net 6 points 9 months ago

Yes. Namely, physically attractive partners. If I got anything else because of it, I wouldn't really know the difference.

But there's no way I could have the partners I've had otherwise, especially considering I've always been pretty broke.

[-] Awoo@hexbear.net 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I think there's a lot of features that can override other "attractive" traits. I've seen a lot of tall guys (for example) with fairly average faces who have been with really staggeringly attractive women (i was jealous) that would probably not have given them the light of day if they weren't really tall.

[-] anarchoilluminati@hexbear.net 2 points 9 months ago

That's true but I'm not that tall either, unfortunately for my own preferences. Haha

Really don't say it out of ego, though. I never found myself all that attractive. Since I was a kid people would tell me I was very attractive but I always felt it was just something people said to be nice. Only later by looking back at my many above-average, beautiful partners over the years did I eventually realize that it's probably true. I always just thought I was lucky to be out of my league every time. Self-esteem is a fuck.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

I just get people giving me the benefit of the doubt more I think and automatically assuming the best of me.

I'll add if you're what the norm deems as "weird or off" I don't care how attractive you are, you're not going to keep any sort of partner for very long.

As someone who gets told I'm an attractive guy somewhat often (by people other than my mom lol) I'd take being more charismatic over this.

[-] Frogmanfromlake@hexbear.net 4 points 9 months ago

Yes and no. I've been told that I'm physically and facially very attractive, but I'm also very short at 5'1 with softer features. It's made me a target for gay men that I'm sure I would appreciate more if I wasn't straight. I'm sure being a stereotypical short, fat, and ugly brown guy would have made life a lot harder.

[-] GarfGirl@hexbear.net 3 points 9 months ago

Yes, I'm not super attractive but like occasionally people will like buy me things to get my attention

[-] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 3 points 9 months ago

So, I’m not attractive at all, but people seem to really find me endearing for some reason. People absolutely fall head over heels in love with me and go out of their way for me. People think I’m so sweet, when really I’m just not confident enough to be the narcissistic removed I am on the inside. I’m so terrified of people getting mad at me or hurting someone’s feelings. But I’m also very kind and altruistic and empathetic. Idk.

[-] wtypstanaccount04@hexbear.net 3 points 9 months ago

That is absolutely true and pretty privilege absolutely does exist

[-] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 1 points 9 months ago

Tbh I don't talk to people enough to have any clue whether or not I'm attractive. My girlfriend insists I am. I know I'm not particularly unattractive at least. She definitely gets some pretty privilege though

[-] arabiclearner@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

OP not gonna lie, this is one of the dumbest posts I've seen. It's like a straight, white guy asking: "Do you think that being white and male gives me an advantage due solely to that fact?? I'm sooooo confused."

The halo effect has been pretty well documented.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I was more so asking to get others experiences. I was about to go off on you, but, fuck it, no need for me to be an ass as well.

Kind of weird, but go off man. You obviously are kind of a strange person and have no filter.

[-] arabiclearner@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I was more so asking to get others experiences. I was about to go off on you, but, fuck it, no need for me to be an ass as well.

Were you? You said this:

I'm a fairly tall good looking dude and I can't help but shake the feeling I have "pretty privilege"- as it we're.

Not gonna lie this is pretty much a humble brag. You can try to gaslight me, but don't lie to yourself, it's pathetic.

You obviously are kind of a strange person and have no filter.

Strange, considering you're the one who has no idea how it comes off when you pretty much say "i'm super good looking, does that mean I get an advantage???" Again, please don't gaslight me, you know what you did. You're trying to paint me as the strange one, when you're the one who started this with your post in the first place. This is some real "white fragility" vibe going on here when I legitimately criticized your post. Maybe you need to do some self-crit here. I'm just gonna leave it at that for you to think about: https://hexbear.net/post/213032?scrollToComments=false. I have nothing more to say. Disengage.

[-] FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

You didn't "legitimately" criticize my post. You effectively called me a dumbass for pondering something with the forum

I didn't "do" anything else. I had forgotten about this post until you drug it up from the depths again.

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[-] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 1 points 9 months ago

Is this a serious question?

[-] arabiclearner@hexbear.net 2 points 9 months ago

I think OP is just trying to low key humble-brag and seek attention. Super pathetic IMO. Just look at how OP responded to your question: by basically asking how "hot" you are. "Hey do you think I'm successful because I'm soooo good looking? Oh btw are you an ugg? Or are you chad like me?"

[-] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 2 points 9 months ago

I agree lol.

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this post was submitted on 01 Feb 2024
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