Starter dead. Battery insufficient to get it moving but will happily make horrible noises. Every warning signal alerted but no precise enough to actually identify the problem.
Yep.....this fits too well.
Usually this points to low voltage coming from the battery, and usually starts happening in cold weather. Bad news is you need a new battery. Good news is they're cheap to install and you get the core charge back.
Drink more coffee, you say?
I always think that when this happens the dash lights and the starter are the ECUs way of screaming. Just all those gates flopping back and forth completely out of sync it just signals everything.
"it'll go away soon"
What does the leaf symbol mean? I've never seen that before
It means your car's fucking high, man.
I'm guessing eco mode
Too much weed loaded.
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