The Onion

(Washington DC) As republican voters seem less eager to go to the polls, the White House has unveiled a plan to increase voter turn out for their base. “You get to vote,” exclaimed trump at a rally Thursday. “Republicans only. You get to decide who we attack next.”

Democratic lawmakers condemned the measure. “The midterm elections are for all Americans,” said Senate minority leaser Chuck Schumer. “You can’t just allow one party to vote on a war. That would require a primary.”

But voters are expressing renewed interest in choosing a foreign invasion target, with names such as North Korea, France, and even California being suggested by republican voters. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in Delaware, said, “honestly, anywhere would be good, because I’m pretty sure I used to work on a yacht in those Epstein files… and we just don’t wanna go there.”

The White House says all names are on the table, and a write-in campaign is encouraged.