this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2026
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Man, I really wish I could "retire" for committing sexual assault.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Republican Rep. Tony Gonzales of Texas said Monday he will retire from Congress amid bipartisan calls to expel him.

Gonzales had already said he would not seek reelection after admitting to an affair with a staff member who later died by suicide. His announcement came just hours after Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell of California said he would be resigning from Congress as he also confronted allegations of sexual misconduct.

House Republican leaders had already called on the three-term Gonzales to not seek reelection. And the House Ethics Committee had initiated an investigation. Under House ethics rules, lawmakers may not engage in a sexual relationship with any employee of the House under their supervision.

“There is a season for everything and God has a plan for us all,” Gonzales said in a social media post. “When Congress returns tomorrow, I will file my retirement from office.”

Can't you just do that via email and stay in Texas? Or do our happy-ass taxpayer dollars have to pay for your round-trip?

"Hey, Mike, it's me: Tony. Not going to be able to make it to the House tomorrow."

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