I'm still reeling from the date I had yesterday, still can't believe it went so well. A lotta first times all at once, first date, first kiss, first time touching a woman sexually, first time going out with someone to a pub, etc. And the most unbeliveable thing of all is that she is almost just as into me as I am her it feels which makes me feel like a vibrating fuzzball.

Getting a bit tired of Lemmy and Mastodon. People aren't humble at all and are so toxic and weird. I'm mostly a lurker but it is very sad that these platforms are not very nice to be at. No matter who you follow you're always exposed to not-very-nice people.

I am dealing with a combination of a shitstorm of overreaction and my own stupidity 🥲

I sent my niece and nephews a small gift from ebay. I usually message my sister to let her know to expect a package, but this time I just forgot to and got busy with other stuff. So yesterday comes around and I get a call from her saying that getting a hand addressed package to their kids from an address they didn't recognize freaked them out so much that they called the cops, who called the seller to find out who sent it.

Obviously they calmed down once they realized it was me, and I felt really bad about it so I messaged the seller on ebay to apologize for the inconvenience... only somehow without knowing how the goddamn interface on ebay works I managed to flag the message as a CANCEL ORDER REQUEST. So then I had to immediately message him again and be like haha oops no sorry not a cancel request! I don't know how to ebay!

Just kill me, I'm so embarrassed 😭

PS: if you are wondering if my sister and her husband are extremely sucked into the far right news sphere where everyone is trying to kidnap their kids with fentanyl... the answer is yes.

Had a date last night. Told my friend that if my date wouldn't be a flat earther or think that toothpaste is poison or some such that my standards would be met. That is to say that I've had plenty such experiences.

Smoked a joint. Ate the best Indian food I ever had. Went for a walk and..

Well I ended up renting her apartment in a month from now. So I don't mean to toot my own horn but I consider that a fruitful date.

Also what's the female version of even Steve?

For some personal reasons, I finally have access to 2 of my old guitars, a 6 string ESP Alex Skolnick signature, and a 7 string ESP Viper.

• The 6 string was full of rust, and I accidentally broke the nut, I managed to replace the rusted screws and the broken nut.
• The 7 string was okay, but I accidentally got a part of a string stuck inside the machine head. Went and bought 2 sets of Gotoh machine heads, drilled some extra holes, and replaced them.
• Also, either its humidity or because I never properly adjusted it, the strings were buzzing. So I adjusted the truss rod. The adjustment for 7 string went okay, it plays ok, the action is low enough that I can play it smoothly. But for the 6 string, it seems problematic, I need to adjust the truss rod really tight that it starts to squeak (I'm afraid it might break the neck), so that the 3 thickest string won't touch the first fret. Let's see whether the guitar would break into two by the end of the week.

Anyway, since I've been playing 8 string guitar (horribly) for the past year, my hand is now so used to the wide neck that 7 string really feels small and easier to play than before.

I got sick too , my body feels heavy and I just want to lay in bed, but hey thanks for asking

I had two parties to attend this weekend, but ended up getting a flu. It’ll be chicken soup and crappy reality TV for me.

My mental health has also started to decline again since last week. I’m not sure if it’s the deadly winter of the Nordics or just depression slowly creeping back in. In any case, I feel really scared. The world feels overwhelming and it seems, at times, that my efforts to come to grips with the new circumstances surrounding my life are futile.

I try to convince myself that I did the best I could, that the alternative solution would’ve most likely brought my early demise.

Still, it feels I did everything wrong. I feel I closed some doors that I did not mean to close. I reached the conclusion that the events that took place this year will most likely haunt me to my deathbed. I hope some day it stops hurting so much, though.

I look around and see some friends who have gone through similar situations and it all seems so easy to them. “Don’t compare yourself with others”, my therapist says incessantly every week. Sadly, I can’t help feeling weak in this situation. It’s been over 9 months, but still find myself crying every now and then before bed. I still find myself wishing I just wouldn’t wake up the next morning.

It’s not all bad though. I’m still being very consistent with the gym and I’m now doing pull ups like they were never a problem. I have also learned a few new songs in my acoustic guitar and it finally doesn’t sound like I’m killing a cat whenever I strum it.

Oh, I’ve also been reading The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin and I think that’s the first book that completely transports me to another world since the first Harry Potter. 😄

Take care everyone and sorry for the wall of text. o/

More incremental progress that feels less impactful than it really is. I got my solar going yesterday after lots of false starts (including panels flying off the roof while driving owing to ... the wrong washers), and this morning, I got all my belongings out of the warehouse at my old job short of an 8-cube Kallax that will require a ton of organizing in the van to be able to fit.

Some days, I'm immensely productive, while others, I'm too weighed down by yet another job search to be remotely able to make progress on that front. My entire family (I got an unexpected email from my uncle/godfather yesterday) is utterly unsupportive of my firm belief that I should be able to have a job that doesn't demean me and pays enough to start getting out of the debt that piled up during my last job search.

I had to give up housing while employed full time because I can't survive on $21/hour with a lease. The solution is not another $21/hour paint-by-numbers bullshit job, ffs.

It seems everyone born before 1970 thinks the job market hasn't changed since the '90s and thus a grueling job search is a personal failing, not a sign that the economy no longer works for a wide swath of people not in sales. I want to make the product or make the product better or make the workflow better so that your salespeople have something worth selling. But that brings in "no income" and is seemingly no longer needed.

had a very busy and productive week.

• went to a full moon gathering
• rode in the social bike ride i used to lead
• finally upgraded the community forum i help run
• competed some online training needed for the dog rescue i volunteer with
• hosted a meetup for the bike camping group
• went to a small holiday house party and did pretty well at playing werewolf
• cleaned my bike chain
• winterized the travel trailer
• got some bookkeeping done for my side ventures/communities
• sold a bicycle that was too small for me
• attended a yoga class (and ran into my friend’s girlfriend there, which was rad!)

Fun.

As a longtime mental health connoisseur, I must say that hypomania really pairs quite well with OCD. 9 out of 10 psychiatrists agree that it's quite the experience. The odd one out is just being contrarian for the sake of it.

Christ, I need a fucking break from my mind.

That and the country I live in is falling apart, although none of this is really new. The brain fucking with me and the country falling apart. Both have been going on for decades.

It's all a giant farce, honestly, where the only real option at this point is to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Hope you feel better soon @alyaza!

Been off here for a bit as things got busy with work and choirs, but now things are starting to relax a bit ahead of Christmas which is good.

My niece was born at the end of November, was nice to meet her even if I'm not a baby fan (they're so warm though! Had no idea). Looking forward to her being out of nappies/able to talk so I can bond with her a bit.

Had the first Christmas concert of the season last week which went well, always in awe of the orchestra we play with, they're so talented that I forget I'm supposed to be singing. Have two carol concerts week after next which will be fun.

Seeing some comedy this weekend and next week which I'm looking forward to.

My partner's mom is staying with us for almost a month. It's been less than a week and I'm already exhausted.

My wife and I got a covid booster Sunday, the next day my arm was sore at the injection site and I felt tired in the morning and felt more and puny as the day went on. I passed out hard last night and slept for almost 10 hours and feel much

The weekend was pretty rough for me. I'm currently going through a medication taper, and that combined with some other life stuff had me super depressed for a few days. I was actually gonna go see my dad for the first time in a decade, but I decided to cancel because I was down and couldn't be bothered to drive for four hours and sleep somewhere that wasn't my home. (Also the weather along the coast is crap right now.)

Other than that, I've kept myself distracted with some planning for a new home lab. I'm starting to give a fuck about fashion, so I've got some new stuff coming in that I'm excited to try. I've also got a razor coming so I can do my first real head shave that isn't just the 1/8" that my clippers can manage.

What a fuckingggh day 😴😔

been raining super hard here and when I entered my home yesterday after work I got hit with a strong mildew smell. I must have a leak somewhere and this feels expensive to fix.

I’ve been spending a lot of time watching horrific video out of Gaza and just crying. The sheer weight of the suffering is staggering.

It feels surreal that i’m meant to log in to my job and click click click for 8 hours…

Can't sleep

learning the shim sham! fun times