He could just use water from a well nearby, right?
this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2026
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Yeah, I don't get this.
In John, there's a wedding and the planners forgot to bring the booze, so Jesus tells some dudes to fill a bunch of casks with water, and then poof kablamo, they are made into wine via the power of Jesus being irritated.
There's certainly a lot of imagery and focus on the blood of Jesus in the Bible... but the whole transsubstantiation/consubstantiation thing is about ... the reverse of this, wine either transforming into, or metaphorically representing the blood of Christ.
I am... not aware of any part of the Bible nor sect/branch/denomination/church that teaches that Jesus at any point turns his blood into wine.
I don't think that even happens in any of the 'expanded universe' / Gnostic texts.
In summary:
Wine -> Blood? Yes*.
Water -> Wine? Yes.
Blood -> Wine? No.
Some Christians (at least roman-catholic) celebrate communion, consuming 'bread' and wine that has been blessed. According to them the bread and wine literally become body and blood of Christ. That's the joke of the comic :)
Yes but that's backwards of what the comic is representing.
As I said... I don't think any kind of Christian believes that Jesus' blood ever turns into wine.
That doesn't happen anywhere in the text.
So... the joke is... based off of a thing that doesn't happen?
It would be like making a joke based off the idea that Moses can summon floods.
He can't. He's never shown to be able to do that, he's shown to be a water bender who can move water out of the way, but not generate it.
That doesn't happen anywhere in the text.
When Jesus categorically says "This is my blood" though
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All hail the artists mark!
A favourite prank - True Story:
Guy from Québec goes to southern US for work. Thick accent and very catholic. Befriends locals, but finds the trope about ignorance to be ... deserved.
At bar after work, locals try to explain Christianity to him. He plays dumb and trolls EXPERTLY.
Merican - So Jesus died for our sins and came back to life.
Qué: Like le zombie?
Merican: Well, no. Not like that. But he showed his friends the holes in his hands to prove it was him and he really died.
Qué: Oui! Like le zombie. Wounds on hands from 'ow he died and fleshrotting off face...
Merican: No no nothing like that.
Qué: But he died? (Yup) For real? (Yup) But got back up? (yes) With wounds. (Yes). So 'ow eez dis not like le zombie?
Merican: I'm just not explaining it well. (Story goes on) Gets to transubstantiation. Take this bread and eat of my flesh. Take this cup and drink of my blood ... and you shall have everlasting life.
Qué: Mais oui! You See. Like le zombie! He eat your flesh. I see many movie like dis.
Merican: No! Sorry, I'm not explaining it well. Jesus doesn't eat your flesh. He wants you to eat his, symbollically.
Qué: Ohhh! I see now. Everlasting life? (Yes) So zombie Jesus feed you his zombie flesh and blood, so you turn into zombie like him and be undead forever. Are all Americain in dis zombie cult?
Merican: 😬🥵 well, when you put it like that I guess it does sound pretty weird.
My mom never appreciates me wishing her a happy Zombie Jesus Day on Easter.
He could've just peed into a jug instead, and then turned that into wine, right? I mean, it's mostly water.
So are people...
I saw this comic once where Jesus could turn that water into wine, thereby effectively killing people.
Wonder what they would have called Data? Still ugly, of course, but he's certainly not a bag of mostly water!
Are you sure that his bodily systems aren't heat-sunk with water as a coolant?
Possible, although it's never been revealed. He's always looked very dry when opened up.
True, though any engineer capable of the delicate manufacture of a positronic brain should be a master of cable management.
Did anyone bright snacks?
Wait a minute! Jes...
"And some bread to go with it."
"and don't spill my seed on the ground"
Let the heathens spill theirs on the dusty ground
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