Relationship Advice

"So basically I understand that dating a black woman is different than a white woman." Ngl this is a really weird sounding statement, and in fact this whole thread and your discussion with her seem a bit strange. In my experience, just not making a big deal about this sort of thing is usually the best way for it to be handled. To whatever extent possible, you do not want the fact that your relationship is interracial to be a property of the relationship that is at the forefront of either of your minds. But of course there are practical realities that affect this. But within you two, internally, it should not be a huge deal.

She's probably just trying to subtly make sure that you're not racist at a minimum and are also woke (and I mean that in the most positive and earnest sense of the term).

Probably as long as you fundamentally see black people as intrinsically equal human beings and don't have any weird or stupid stereotypes (so I would just say no stereotypes) and listen to her when she tells you stuff you're fine.

It's like the same phenomenon as how people will get all antsy about dating a woman in general because they think women are some alien creatures. Don't see her as an alien and that's like the majority of the risks resolved.

But the nuance comes in recognizing that different demographics DO really have extrinsic differences that, by virtue of being extrinsically created, affect different members of that demographic to a different extent. Not all extrinsic differences are negative ones, for example cultural differences are also extrinsic to someone's race. But I wouldn't recommend trying to learn about like African culture and then talk to her about it, for instance, because it's a very diverse country, and you don't even know if she considers that part of her culture or not.

So pretty much just be open minded and don't be weird about it.

Now, I will say, and I understand that this is not what you're asking about, the way that she expressed that is a little bit annoying to me. Very vague and beating around the bush. She could have communicated it better, but also you could have communicated your confusion better to her. In fact, asking her to elaborate on that certainly qualifies as showing initiative. So I would say that you should ask her some more questions about it.

I know this goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. Dating someone of another race does not give you that race's privileges.

Like, you don't get to say the N-word, and you don't really get to drop the fact that you're dating a black person as a gotcha to win an argument.

You and her will have likely had some differences growing up. Learning about them is going to be a lot of fun and educational, so enjoy that process.

There is nothing fundamentally tragic about being a specific race, so don't try to become some kind of savior.

Whatever they have experienced because of their race is normal for them so understand their normal and accept it as normal.

And don't worry too much. If you've made it to the point where you're actually dating, then she obviously likes you, at least a little bit.

So just rely on that and continue being who you are to the best of your ability.

I dated a black girl for a while. I had to learn a LOT about The Sims 4. That was apparently the only thing she cared about.

But also just Google "black women struggles" and follow some creators that pop up. That's a good way to learn pretty much anything culture related.

Dating wise it's the same as dating a white woman, at least between the two of you. The difference may come externally from family, friends, random people. I'm a white guy who married a black woman and its never been an issue between us, we even joke about it often. Someone else commented to "never touch her hair, without permission" and I disagree, if I'm cuddling with my wife in bed I don't ask for permission to touch her hair lol.

You should learn about racism in general though. Like watch a video on The "Brown Eyes/Blue Eyes" experiment, created by Jane Elliot is a good start.

DO NOT. TOUCH THE HAIR. WITHOUT PERMISSION. Otherwise yeah, she's just a normal person. Just take it slow and be open. She'll let you know when she doesn't like or care for something.

I would just relax about it, I don't think there's anything particularly different or anything that's better to know beforehand. We can't really know what it is like to date your girlfriend, she might not even surprise you at all. Just roll with it and take anything new as an experience to be enjoyed

Get to know all the food.

Let's ask Scrubs

But talk with her about it and say that she is your first black girlfriend. She will be able to tell you what you are doing that makes her comfortable and what isn't.

You're on the right track. Asking her to point out micro aggressions that you don't notice might help you be more aware