this post was submitted on 31 Dec 2025
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People like my ex-girlfriend (who is also my ex-friend) describe them figuring out their identity as "having a gay/trans 'phase' once". I get trying to figure out your identity, but something irks me about calling it a "phase". Even if it's how you describe it, it just feels to me like being trans or gay is just a phase and you'll grow out of it.

My ex-girlfriend turned out to be straight and anti-transition anyway...

I had another ex-girlfriend who she and her friends blocked me. Her friends were talking about orientation, and I was a lesbian at the time (now omni/gay/homoflexible trans man). Then, the friends were just like "Oh, well I thought I was a lesbian too and had a lesbian phase until I met my perfect, loving boyfriend <3 Maybe you haven't found the right guy yet". They turned out to be extreme right-wingers anyway too...

Not that having a "phase" equates to being right-wing, but it still irks me regardless of your political beliefs and isn't there a better way to phrase it? Like I would be fine with something like "You're trans, Larry (me)? That's awesome! I actually questioned being trans awhile back".

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[–] PurpleFanatic@quokk.au 2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Ugh I’m sorry you had to go through that, honestly, what bullshit!!!

I really hate the lack of respect that the whole “phase” narrative treats trans experiences with. Although I guess the micro aggression is the point. But ugh.

[–] may_be@thelemmy.club 2 points 11 hours ago

Agreed, I got told off on Reddit for my opinion...

[–] november@piefed.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

So obnoxious. I would just tell them "Well I had a cis phase but I got over that, too".

[–] may_be@thelemmy.club 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I got backlash when I posted this on Reddit calling me a controlling and judgmental asshole for "judging how they want to express themselves".

[–] november@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] may_be@thelemmy.club 2 points 1 day ago

Fair enough, very true...