Off My Chest

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ex understandably won't initiate contact with me, how do i befriend her? should i? (thelemmy.club)

submitted 2 weeks ago by nonBInary@thelemmy.club to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world

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crosspostato da: https://thelemmy.club/post/35079986

so, if you have read my other posts, i just broke up with sophie because we were moving too fast and didn't "click instantly" or hit it off, so she decided she would get to know me better and be my friend.

my friend eliana says she definitely does want to be my friend, and she waves to me and all that sometimes (i think she did today).

my mom, however, said based on her experience, sophie does not really want to be friends and wants to be left alone mainly and i should wait for her to make contact.

i understand if she wants to be left alone, since we just broke up, so i do exactly that.

however, i usually have to talk to her first because she usually only talks to her friends, sits closer to them, i've noticed, and initiates contact with them but not me. however, she will still include me in stuff, invite me to things she's doing, etc. which makes me think she might want to be friends or she's doing it just to be nice.

after all, she was closer to them than me and we didn't really KNOW each other, we just knew who each other was.

should i give up the whole "friend thing"? wait a while?

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[–] TribblesBestFriend@startrek.website 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You should not. A relationship cannot come from only one side. Don’t strain yourself trying to do the job for two persons.

[–] nonBInary@thelemmy.club 2 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you 🙏

[–] infinitevalence@discuss.online 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If they want to be friends then leave the door open but don't go through yourself. They will reach out if/when ready.

[–] nonBInary@thelemmy.club 1 points 2 weeks ago

yeah, she said she wanted to be but only talks when i do...

[–] GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 weeks ago

If you want a certain relationship but she doesn't, then it's time to move on. Calmly express what you want. I imagine you want to be romantic partners and she doesn't. You're already going to be disappointed. Say what you're want, if she's not interested, move on. Sounds like she wants to just be friends and to have you do all the work. That doesn't sound fair and it doesn't sound like what you want.