this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2025
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Male Fashion Advice

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Pretty much title, I’ve got a formal wedding to go to in October and I’m not a formal person. Can I wear these docs without looking like a jerk

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[–] Professorozone@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago

Not in my opinion.

Then again, I've seen weddings where people brought their snakes, so who knows.

[–] JandroDelSol@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

I've seen people show up to weddings and funerals in fucking overalls, you're fine

[–] QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)

No loafer is formal enough for a wedding in the West traditionally speaking

[–] noodles@slrpnk.net 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Eh, I've worn loafers to two weddings and been plenty formal. One was at a camp and one was in a barn though, so it depends heavily on context.

[–] QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

One was at a camp and one was in a barn which suggests they aren’t that formal.

[–] noodles@slrpnk.net 1 points 5 days ago

Sure, they weren't that formal, but they were weddings in the West where loafers were appropriate, so it depends heavily on the wedding itself. That being said OP has clarified that this wedding is black tie optional, so loafers wouldn't be.

[–] korthrun@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

The fashion crowd has chimed in and they're certainly not wrong. That said from a practical standpoint, outside of the one-off fashionistas and overzealous folk working the door, very few people will be paying that much attention to your shoes if they're matching your pants.

I am completely wrong if this is a snooty crowd having a wedding at a country club or something extreme like that. For the most part though your average person is enjoying the wedding not inspecting everybody's shoes.

If you want to Google some general guidance, formal is generally somewhere between cocktail and Black tie.

[–] iamericandre@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] JandroDelSol@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

yeah, these are better

Love the docs, but go with these. These are unobtrusive and nice.

[–] BigGovernment@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

No, they won't look right with anything formal. They're fine for "office casual" or something, but if the host has asked for formal attire this isn't it.

If you like these, try for a more conventional tassel loafer. The problem is really the sole, and stitching.

These being Docs, that puts the price around $150 to $200. That's good news, you'll have a lot of options in the same price range. Start shopping early, especially if you have to do mail order. A wedding can be a long day, especially if you're dancing at the reception afterwards. It may take you a little while to find something that works for you.

[–] BenchpressMuyDebil@szmer.info 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

There's just a lot happening with these shoes:

  • the yellow contrast stitching
  • the tassels
  • the "penny-like" leather horizontal strap to which the tassels are attached to
  • the kilt

Whoever was designing those knew they're mixing three types of loafers (tassel, penny, kilted). They're pretty much designed to grab attention. And with classic formal menswear the goal is to normally do the opposite.

Even if the rest of the outfit was perfect (e.g. if you had loose wool pants with a large leg opening to cover most of the shoes etc.) it'd still end up looking fashion forward at best if you pulled it off. It'd help if you're 18-22 yrs old.

I know it sucks having to buy yet another pair of shoes just to wear them once for a wedding. You still have a lot of time till October so maybe thrift/Vinted some cap toe oxfords till then?

I agree. These look like a way to cram more elements of flair into a tgi Friday's waiter outfit. I'm afraid that outside of that scenario I don't see theses going well with anything I'm afraid.

[–] iamericandre@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What about a more subtle loafer

[–] BenchpressMuyDebil@szmer.info 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Yeah, penny loafers or tassel loafers would work as something more relaxed. Depends what they mean by "formal" on the invitation. Black or dark brown. Maybe you could find Sebago Joe penny loafers on sale somewhere as a lower end option. G.H. Bass Weejuns are supposedly not good these days though. Massimo Dutti should have something if you're shooting lower and are in EU.

For a step up from Sebago in EU there's Meermin, Carmina, TLB Mallorca etc.

[–] iamericandre@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Says tux preferred but black suit is ok too. I’m a little annoyed here because I have to buy a new suit since I never really attend formal events.

[–] dustyData@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My rule was, if I am attending an event rarely in my life, then rental is more appropriate. But semi frequent, like one event a year, buy a black suit. It doesn't hurt to have, and also a blue navy blazer for semi formal events were you have dress up but it is not tux formal. A black suit can be made very formal with white shirt, tie and loafers. Or more informal with fun shirts and more fashion shoes for other big events. A well tailored suit is a powerful item in the wordrobe.

[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (2 children)

You like kilts? Ever worn one? They are formal enough for weddings and a shit ton more fun.

[–] ohulancutash@feddit.uk 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Although, unless you’re actually Scottish or Irish (and not someone who’s great-great grandad once visited Ireland), you run the risk of being seen as an attention-seeker.

[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

Fair. I'm lucky enough to have the connection.

[–] iamericandre@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

I like where your head is at but I don’t have enough confidence for that my dude

[–] BenchpressMuyDebil@szmer.info 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh if it's a tux (as in, not "suit" but actual tuxedo) then you can't really do loafers. I think the only option that makes sense here is black cap toe oxford.

[–] iamericandre@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I’m opting for the black suit

Probably this jacket and matching pants https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.1261757001.html

[–] Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Still, go for oxfords. Don't have to be cap toe. Make sure they're not brogue. People probably wouldn't bat an eye at derbys either, but oxfords are best. 'Black suit or tux' really isn't a dress code that allows for any loafers whatsoever. If it HAS to be one of the two pairs you posted, go for the ones with no contrast yellow stitching, as they'll at least draw less negative attention (but likely still some, since they specifically stated a dress code like this).

[–] noodles@slrpnk.net 1 points 6 days ago

Not technically loafers but opera pumps would also be appropriate--though a big statement these days--with a tuxedo, if OP is determined to have slip ons

[–] lowspeedchase@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

~~Penny~~ Tassel loafers and docs having an evil love child makes me uncomfortable. I felt something though so bravo to this art.

[–] teft@piefed.social 4 points 1 week ago

If you’re getting off the mayflower, sure.

[–] ccunning@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I thought “formal” meant tux and “semi-formal” meant suit, but I could be wrong.

I think you could probably make this work with the latter, but they won’t really work with the former.

[–] noodles@slrpnk.net 1 points 6 days ago

That's how it's supposed to be but at least in the US except in very specific crowds the decisions have blurred considerably/aren't known

[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Would have to see the rest of the outfit to make an informed decision with this one, typically you would wear wingtips but you might be able to get away with this. All the attentions on the bride and groom after all

[–] iamericandre@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

Double breasted black suit white shirt black tie. This my attempt at formal