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My husband and coworkers have opened up to me about how they don’t have any hope or excitement anymore about life.

I’m also in that boat. I don’t know what to say to cheer them up.

I just go nap or do some unhealthy habit. I just want it all to be over.

The vibes at my work have been especially terrible to the point where even the bootstraps tugging elderly conservative chuds on my team are jaded and fed up. People are losing their jobs for the first time in years (the rare times it happened before someone was pulling some blatant fuckery), the only people getting promotions are upper management's yes men located in an entirely different office, no new employee hires in years, and the only good middle manager switched to an actual capable team recently and left the rest of us on a sinking ship. To add insult to injury, they're segregating employees from contractors by not letting contractors receive the occasional free meal. The employees literally sneak out as quietly as they can whenever they get to go out to eat. It was already bad enough that us contractors don't get any paid days off and a lower overall pay rate, but it just feels like we're hated at this point.

Despite my own personal situation being relatively good now that my partner is making more than me hourly, I don't really have hope for anything this year. I burned out earlier this year from a failed work project (it was mismanaged, surprise surprise), and despite being on new anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds I still feel exhausted most the time. My remaining dreams are in the far future, but the American proletariat rising up seems a lifetime away. Things are going to have to get really nasty before enough working class people revolt, and with the world's largest military being freely deployed on its own citizens, it seems like we'll need a much larger percentage of people than previous uprisings.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that yeah, I feel powerless and alienated too.

You don't annoy me at all. I love your posts, Comrade! You're really funny and very humble, which I respect. I also feel like I'm annoying sometimes though so apologies to the everyone here for that when I am, I'm often stoned and depressed when I'm on here so that doesn't help.

I also have felt like vibes have been off on Hexbear so thank you for posting this because I thought maybe it was just me. I don't know if we can point at any one particular thing considering how everything is happening simultaneously, that being said I do think the Palestinian genocide in Palestine and the repression around it in the core is probably the most notable. I see it as a sign of more to come.

Personally, I try to look at the positives in my life and in my line of work (not going to say) I do meet people every day who have it much worse so I should appreciate my position. That being said, my life isn't what I wanted or dreamed but then I tell myself why I thought it would even be any different. I was just naïve, I wish I could go back to those hopeful days my childhood when life still seemed like it had things to offer but that's not possible. There are a lot of things that make me sad but I just feel extremely alienated in this country and where I live. I actually have a good number of friends and I see people regularly, but none of them are actually comrades so I just feel like I can't talk to anyone about what's on my mind because either people don't care or they don't know to discuss things even when they are sympathetic. It makes me feel very, very lonely, like I'm watching the end of the world all alone. On top of that, I know it's probably looked down on here and I at least acknowledge it's selfish of me considering everything I know and just said, but I still would love to have children and it makes me so depressed that I don't think I'll ever experience that in life. I can barely survive myself so I don't see how that would be possible. Being born in the US might be a death sentence for my child anyway so I wouldn't want to do it here but where else would I go? And, anyway, I don't even have a partner and, even though I'm okay with that currently, it depresses me sometimes thinking that I might not ever meet someone who could be a life partner for me. I could meet someone if I was really desperate but I don't want to settle for someone who doesn't have similar values just so that I'm not alone, because despite not being alone I would actually feel lonelier. I wouldn't want to have a partner that is a "progressive" or a radlib, been there and fucking done that, but I also feel like the odds of organically meeting a Comrade that I'll fall in love with and will love me back are slim to nil. And joining a party or a group to hopefully find someone and date around trying to find the right person just feels very cishetman-y and I don't want to do that. I'm also getting to an age where I don't even want to date anymore anyway, I used to date libs or anyone just to go out and be with someone or meet people but I fucking hate that idea now. I just want to settle down with a Comrade. Even that sounds like an unrealistic dream because I'll probably be out of work eventually once AI gets to a certain point and then I'm fucked so how would settling down even function besides shacking up with someone just to try to survive together, which is depressing. I think about going to grad school but then what's the point of going to school for a few years and being in more debt if I think I'll have to leave this country just to avoid eventually being killed or thrown into a camp? If I have to leave to my home country, will it even matter if I got that other degree? Could I have just survived as I am now without the extra steps? Will I actually even survive there either way or will I just basically be an impoverished refugee? Not to mention the earth as we know it is dying so even if political issues were magically solved overnight we would still be incredibly fucked. Given that the political issues are no where near being solved, it just makes everything so much darker.

The only upside is I like dark comedy so I get to laugh a lot. Probably the only thing keeping me from breaking down entirely. I do try to make self-improvements though as I've mentioned on that comm, and I'm happy with some of those achievements, but it's getting closer to the point where I do think maybe I should just not give a fuck at all. Really I just keep going because of my family, I don't know how unhinged I would be if they were gone. Deep down I think that when I meet my Comrade Wife that it'll all seem worth it if we love each other and support each other and are realistic about life together, but there's no guarantee that will ever happen or happen in the idealistic way it plays in my head. The only real hope is that if I live long enough, I may finally see what so many others struggled to see and watch the fall of the Empire in real time. It'll get worse for me and for my family, I might be starving on the streets then, but I'll feel satisfied and I could die then if I felt like I did even just a little to contribute.

I rambled on way too long. These types of vent posts always get me. I wish all of you Comrades the best though and I hope all of you find happiness and fulfillment in life.