It's going. I'm really tired of working in IT and I want an exit from this career field so bad. I've been doing this since 1995 and IT has become the bane of humanity. In the '90s we all had pie in the sky dreams about the ways we were going to make the world better with computers and programming, and it's just turned into lots of complicated ways to take money from people.

I learn languages very easy so I'm going to go to a local community college and just start taking language classes. I can speak three languages right now, but for the next semester I'm going to go back and take Latin. That will give me a reading boost for Spanish, Italian, and French.

Will I ever do anything with it? Who knows. But I'm so tired of IT that I am almost thinking about going to the airport and working a ramp job.

This week is going great actually. I’m on a beeline for graduation this December and so I’ve mostly got my head down currently. Hoping to get admitted into grad school to keep going after this.

Some interesting things about my week: I spent most of yesterday modeling aquifers and aquifer systems. I know most people probably don’t know much about aquifers or how they work but it’s a lot more complicated than being an underground lake.

And anxiety is getting to me about graduation. Mostly because of family. Half of which do not know I’m bisexual and are pretty homophobic, so I’m thinking it won’t be worth it to have my boyfriend in attendance. Which is really rough on me. I know I should just tell them and they can pound sand if they don’t like it, but at the same time I don’t see them often and it puts my bf in an awkward spot. So he’s urging me to just let him stay home so he doesn’t have to be around that. And that’s a lot to process. I’m also inviting my dad who hasn’t talked to me since May when he found out. Who knows if he will show up.

And before anyone worries too much, I’m not like heartbroken about this. Homophobia just confuses me. All I can do is mitigate its effects but I’m always very confused why I even have to deal with it.

On day 8 out of 8 in a row at work. Got 3 days off starting tomorrow and Cities Skyline 2 to dig into.

Let's see ... in the past week, I

• finally moved out of the hotel and into my van at long last after finding the parasitic drain on the starter batteries came in the form of an exploded (and not in a diagram sense) until-then-unknown auxiliary battery, hidden under the floor, that was keeping the whole system at 9V on account of the destroyed cell causing constant balancing by a secondary solenoid

• got a gym membership, as one needs to bathe ... it's weird walking in and hearing what I guess is hypey, "driving" beats to some, but I just turned off trance in the van, so it's more the Kenny G of dance music

• built a very elaborate bedframe with the help and under advisement of another makerspace member, finished the wall insulation, including new bulkhead; cut and crimped everything to get the house batteries to stop being very expensive paperweights (I'm hoping to test my first device tomorrow after work), and actually organized the cargo/living area for a few blissful hours

• had a couple of pretty depressing conversations with friends; it seems we're all resigned to the world getting worse as the only realistic direction given the breakdown in voter control of pretty much anything and the economy giving up any pretense of trying to benefit society

• leaned that laundry can be done in an hour at the laundromat instead of being the all-afternoon affair it was at the apartment ... load washer, play a large kakuro, transfer to dryer, play another, fold and depart

• realized I'd had so few options for so long, being holed up in my apartment saddled with too much debt to do anything, that I don't actually know the answer to "if you could do anything right now, what would it be?"

I started to post yesterday, but I was feeling down for no discernable reason, and I couldn't think of anything to say other than how awful I felt. Today, thankfully, I feel a lot better.

Much to my joy, my youngest (who is 20 years old) has agreed that, instead of me scrambling around looking for perfect, expensive presents for Christmas for everyone (which is pretty much exclusively my job), we're all just going to buy stocking stuffers for each other and let each person buy their own expensive things instead of expecting me to do it for them. It just seems so ridiculous to me that I got my kids addicted to a Christmas celebration that often left me so burned out that I'd spend the week between Christmas and New Year's in bed. We're not even Christian, and my kids are adults, so why on earth am I still killing myself to make the day perfect for them, when they have no interest in doing the same for me? We all have similar incomes, so this seems very fair to me. I hope it will take some of the stress out of the coming season.

Finally, I'm starting to feel better on CPAP. Got a full face mask instead of those horrific nasal pillows (I don't get how having something shoved into your nostrils is supposed to be the most comfortable option, especially when I had to tape my mouth shut to make them work at all!). I kept waking up flat on my back, when I haven't been able to breathe while laying on my back since the mid-1990s. Checked my data using OSCAR, and have learned a whole lot. Apparently, with a CPAP and a full face mask, I can both breathe and sleep just fine on my back- last night I only spent thirteen seconds total in apnoea- and I've had some episodes of deep sleep that lasted more than an hour, when I couldn't maintain deep sleep for two minutes with untreated apnoea.

This of course makes me wonder if I've actually had apnoea since the mid-1990s and how much damage I've done to my brain. At my age I doubt I will get all of it back.

I'm concerned about my eldest, who seems very dull and quiet lately. They've been a hardcore tech person since they were a toddler (not even exaggerating) and are now saying things like "I just leave all settings on default, it's easier", and not even bothering to do a search when they run into issues with things. They are behaving like my 73-year-old husband and it's super worrying because they will be 29 next month. I wish I knew what to do to help them.

I also need to stop treating this thread like it's my personal blog, haha.

I keep having anxiety attacks whenever I decide to look/apply for jobs. I am so tired and I don't feel that I even have the right to complain about it because so many people have worse than me. Knowing I have to humiliate myself to recruiters also doesn't help. I hate this.

chuck (foster dog) got his stitches out last wendesday. he came to the office with me on thursday morning, ate lunch with my coworkers and me outside, and then we headed out to meet a family. he was so tired by the end of the day. and the best news: he is going to his new home on wednesday evening! they already have a ramp from their last dog, a large fenced-in yard, and they want to play ball and go on walks with him. i couldn't dream of a better match. 🥰

i have been (lazily) looking for a new place to do yoga, and i took a class friday evening that was great! very chill, not hot yoga, and adaptable/calm. so many places around here are GET RIPPED, HOT YOGA, WORK YOUR BOOTY OFF, which is not at all what i want in a yoga class. i want to relax, do a lil' strength and balance work, then spend 5-10 minutes laying quietly. i bought a 2-week intro membership, and i'll probably end up with their 4 classes/month plan, since i can't imagine i'll go more often than that.

my old roomie/friend and one of my other friends had their wedding reception party after eloping across the country a little while back. my ex was there, and it was really validating to know i made the right choice. i don't think i would have been happy with him where he is in life now. but also: his new girlfriend is super cool! i want to be friends with her, haha.

i have got a zillion social events available to me this weekend. hoping i can make most of them!

Realized there's only one week left of October already and bought a bunch of pumpkin, squash, and pears I saw on discount to get more into the autumn mood and make some spooky recipes. I've been trying to transition into completely plant-based cooking at home but I've never been a huge red meat person anyways. Never knew that canned chickpea juice could be used to make a meringue!

I've been trying to appreciate the smaller things more and reduce my negative attitude. Lately I've been trying to ease into more mini trips around my area like a tourist since I've felt pretty stagnant and paralyzed mentally for awhile. Haven't been to a symphony in awhile so I'm looking forward to seeing Holst's The Planets. First time hearing that piece live.

Well, for over a year I've had a minor skin condition. I've been given a cream for this. I've returned to the doctors and dermatologists more than once. It hasn't worked. They keep renewing the prescription... No use, no change... because it turns out I've been using the wrong cream.

They all come in a generic white tube, you see? And I usually put it on after I shower and don't have on my glasses. And my partner puts all the medicated creams in one spot. So, from time to time I must have been using the right one...

Anyway. On Monday I finally realised my goof and...the problem has disappeared. 4 applications. Done... I'm an idiot.

Autumn is coming around and I'm realising very quickly that my existing autumn wardrobe is really not gender affirming :(

I'm going to try to order a bunch of new clothes and really take my time thinking about what I want and need. Scariest thing is definitely getting clothes that I can wear to work because my coworkers don't know I'm nonbinary and I've been especially closeting myself in terms of clothing and accessories. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the conversation but I'm also noticing that I'll soon hit a point where presenting masc every day will just break me.

Advice is definitely appreciated. I really don't like where I'm at rn but at the same time I also feel like a coward for being afraid to change anything.

I'm on a road trip for my partners father's wedding that was on Saturday. We road tripped from the west coast to the Michigan and we'll be leaving tomorrow morning to get back home at the end of the week.

I miss my dog <3 I've been having a good time though, despite the lack of sleep and extra aches

I'm okay. I've mostly got my home lab stuff sorted. All's that's left to do is wait and see if anything explodes.

Edit: as an aside, I am now thoroughly convinced that rclone is magic.

Hi beeple,

I wanted to get my hot water heater fixed with a $50 thermostat, but the plumber wouldn’t touch it and wanted $3000 to replace it. Ouch! I might try to find a replacement thermostat via Google, but it’s an ancient model and the part numbers don’t turn up anything. Really don’t need more bills right now!

It is starting to heat up in Australia, and the bushfires have already killed 2 people in my state in the last week. I’m not looking forward to another black summer. However, on the bright side, there seems to be a shift in the views of our Nationals party regarding climate change - they’ve always been conservative but now it seems they’re getting on board with climate action, since they’re being affected by the heat, droughts etc. I wish people would take action for things before it affects them personally, but hey, I’ll take what I can get.

I hope everyone gets through their struggles and has some time to relax and enjoy themselves this week.

Just got back from my trip to Chicago and wow I really enjoyed the vibe there. I live in the Pacific Northwest and it's so different! The cta was so convenient (even though the ticket machines wouldn't take any of my cards so I couldn't buy a day pass). The architecture was really interesting and the locals were pretty friendly. I would like to return and spend more time exploring, as I only had one day proper to spend in the city.

Back home now and we're starting a cold snap and the heat in my building still hasn't been turned on. I feel like I'm in a Dickens novel huddling over my desk and blowing on my fingers to thaw them.

My partner is a craftswoman, and she'll soon be taking part in a fair. She does it 5-6 times a year, and during those times, I spend a lot of my free time assembling and sewing for her.

It's during these times that I watch to old series (actually, I'm more listening than watching). Right now, it's Supernatural. I didn't watch it with any regularity when it first came out.

The past few weeks have been what the ancient Chinese would reportedly have called "interesting times".

The hardware for the new server at work has finally arrived and been installed after seven weeks, so now I'm super busy setting everything up. It's a Hyper-V host with a Windows terminal server, a Linux Jitsi server and a FreeBSD web/VPN server (because of reasons), and of course everything works except the Windows server won't talk to the DC in the same subnet unless both firewalls are completely disabled, which isn't really an option for internet-facing machines. This is not going to be good for my mental health.

I fear that my older stepdaughter is heading towards a depression fast - she's been under a lot of pressure lately, and she's showing all the signs. She desperately wants to see a therapist but the earliest appointment we could get so far is in January. Hopefully SO and me will find a way to stabilize her and take some of the pressure off in the short term.
Her younger sister and me have had a long talk about mental health and handling conflicts in general. She's very understanding of the situation and mature for her age, and I'm immensely proud of her.

Other than than I've used this week to not do much, walk the dogs when it's not raining and re-read a couple of books that I'm particularly fond of.
I've finally started a small project that I've been wanting to do for a long time - a doggy stick library (basically a wooden board with small shelves where dogs can 'borrow' sticks). It's coming along nicely and I can't wait to put it up at that place where lots of dog owners start their evening round. I hope it'll brighten someone's day.

My sister-in-law from Argentina is visiting us. I wish we could chat more. My Spanish still leaves a lot to be desired, and she speaks a (to my ears) particularly difficult 'Spanish'. But it's still good to have her here, she's pleasant company and a great cook.

A little thing. I had a rest day today. Read my book. Watched some old tv. Felt sad but managed to get myself out for a walk. I am so terrified of slipping back into depression I struggle to rest. But I stopped and looked at my to-do list I made for the weekend and I did it all. And I rested.

Just wanted to write that down so I remember it's ok

Going slow, which isn't a bad thing.

Been playing at-work counselor, as a few co-workers have been involved in a monster of a project. Not because the project is crazy (putting on a ~120 person event); they've/we've done this many times before, even far larger events. But because the volunteers advising us on this event think they're fully in-charge of the event. They've been making insane and inane demands of my co-workers, yet don't want to put in any of the real work. The event is in 3 weeks, we're losing tons of money on this event, and it's been one of the most chaotic event preps I've seen, yet the volunteer committee continues to demand changes and additions.

Since I'm not attending this event, I've only been helping on a few smaller, behind-the-scenes things: logistics and event AV. Which means I don't interact with these volunteers. But my co-workers do and they're being driven to the brink. I wish I could help in some way, but unfortunately, it's not my place to smack the volunteers (as much as I wish I could). The best I can do is make sure my small parts come together and be someone they can vent to. It'll all come together as it always done, it's just that all this negative energy and even vitriol isn't necessary.

Financially, my brother and I found out that a place that we lived at literally 2 years ago sent a bill we supposedly owed, to collections! For 2 yrs, they never contacted us saying we still owed them some money. Even though they had our email addresses, phone numbers, and even new addresses! And it recently hit out credit reports. I don't think we owed them any money in the first place, so now I gotta get in touch with these asshat apartment managers (seriously, the place was so mismanaged -- like 6-7 property managers within 5yrs) and figure out wtf is going on. It's* super great* that this popped up now as I'm potentially looking for a new apartment in a couple months. Sigh.

Hosting some dear friends this weekend, just finished up the rehearsal/performance process of a staged reading for an incredible piece last weekend. Feeling fortunate and heartfull. Excited about cooking for my friends and watching lots of scary movies! And karaoke will definitely be happening at some point. Hope everyone has a great week!

Stumbled upon an early Dia Los Muertos thing in the garden of the Mexican Embassy here last night, which was open to the public. Very sweet & uplifting. May have to swing by again today as it is probably running all weekend.

Then met up with an ex to see about obtaining a exhibition space for a local arts charity, and so far it looks like that'll pan out well.

Other than that, general chaos surrounding potential romantic relationships. Only option is to be very open with all concerned, but there's still a lot of scope for messiness.

Party tonight... has been a while since I've done that!

I've started playing MTGO again because it's too hard to get together with my playgroup as often as I'd like. I've been lucky enough to find some nice groups of players lately.

We're relocating at work, and I'm so done with it already. Some people should just work from home while we're doing this imo because all they do is complain and add anxiety to an already stressful situation.

FFFuckkk, Atsushi Sakurai, vocalist of Buck-Tick died earlier today due to brain hemorrhage

I've been listening to them for like 2 decades.

It's been a long week. Quarterly reporting time so I haven't really stopped. It's been good though, very productive. I went to a show last night which was great fun, just what I needed.

Also finally found a form of fibre craft that I can do- loom knitting. Makes such a difference to not have to rely on hand eye coordination, turns out mine is worse than I thought! So looks like the baby hat will be ready for my niece after all.

Was okay-ish.

OCD and other issues have decided to make things complicated.

I think I'll play a few games or watch some TV or read a comic or something to keep myself a little sane. Dig into something that can occupy my time.