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i did something really really hard yesterday, had a meltdown and threw up from the stress, but i did it. and there seems to be this expectation from the people around me, that cos i did it once i can do it again, indefinitely. but it takes me like, a week to recover from this sorta thing, or else i get super burnt out
like in highschool i would throw up from stress every morning and that didn't stop until i started skipping 50% of my classes
i was not built for life i think
Having such a volatile response sounds absolutely exhausting, physically and mentally. You deserve the space to take the time you need to recover, without the expectation to keep pushing yourself before you're ready or able. Hope you aren't being pressured too much to do so. Sending hugs, and calming energy, comrade.
thanks 
there's a bit of pressure, but im pretty sure most of it is coming from internally. i have pretty bad productivity brainworms, i think
I hear you. The internal, unseen stuff feels like the biggest hurdles sometimes.
That's awful. I used to get the same thing when I had a social life/work, etc. There eventually reached a stage where, whenever I had to do anything the next day, even if it was something fun, I would become sick the night before, and by the next morning I'd be vomiting and so ill I couldn't go. Didn't realise at the time it was anxiety.
i was not built for life i think
It's just that life now is set up to be awful. Enforced early starts, deadlines, threats of homelessness and destitution if you don't achieve what you're meant to. Humans have created this mess, it's not natural. There's a film from about 1971 called "Walkabout" about 2 kids who get lost in the Australian outback, meet an Aborigine boy and spend some time living with him, and that is what I think life is meant to be like. No stress, no early starts, no unnatural enforced activity. Just waking up when you naturally feel like it, searching for food, swimming, eating, walking around and sleeping.
sleepy. I would like to be less sleepy. Please fix this.
sends you wakey energy Here you go 
How did that work?!?
Magic 
Teach me your witchy ways.
I was trying to come up with a witty reply but failed, so I'm gonna say it's just positive thoughts for my fellow comrades
Sometimes people decide to throw garbage in a spot on the ground rather than a dumpster, doesn't matter who did ot first, everyone else did it.
that spot on the ground with piles of trash on it is me.
once there a small frog was born, it didn't make ribbit noises, it stayed silent and never jumped around other frogs, the frog was afraid for its life, one time the frog saw another frog eating an insect that jumped, the frog was told its fear was irrational that the frog is a frog not an insect, but the frog did think what would happen if an insect was too big the other frogs couldn't eat it at the ground because its feet would hold it. One day the little frog found a friend, a wise frog, somehow the little frog was befriended by a frog respected by other frogs, told it "I know what you are, you belittle yourself, you're another frog, I was like you I know you can do it like the other frogs" the little frog under the pressure of respect by other frogs trusted the wise one and asked it "but how did you overcome it" it told it to follow it. The river was their destination and the wise frog said "you're a frog, you're a swimmer, you can reach the other side of this river" they approached the shore together, at that moment the little frog looked at the river, "although although we're different sizes and colors in the reflection of the stream both are frogs", at that moment all doubt left the little frog, it told itself "I'm a frog, I see what I never saw before and I will jump and cross this river" the entire frog community cheered it before it jumped and cheered even harder when they tricked that insect into believing it was nothing more than that day's lunch.
I've been reporting companies to the Powers That Be for discriminatory practices during interviews that violate the Civil Rights Act and ADEA and actually had some success in having them investigated with their posts flagged/removed on online job boards. Small victories. 
It's the small things that keep you going. Thank you for your service, comrade 
Thanks, love. It's amazing how willfully ignorant these capitalists are. Hope you're healing up ok and not pushing yourself too hard
Definitely, it's annoying as fuck. But you made a difference, and that's what counts.
And thank you! I'm going on my stupid little walks for my stupid little butt health.
I am so sick of having to deal with prescriptions. This month there were more issues. I got my script and struggled to even find a pharmacy that could fulfil it. It took days to find a pharmacy that had the exact thyroid and cancer meds that I need. And it was a pharmacy further away than usual, my landlady drove me there to get it but it pissed her off that she had to help me with yet another thing. Another bother is that i asked the GP surgery - even wrote them a letter asking - that they put my thyroid and cancer meds on a separate script from the other items. But they ignored this and put all the items together. The pharmacy didn't have the other items in stock. This means we have to go back there another day to collect the other things. Why can't the damn GP surgery just do as I ask for once?
And I'm struggling to stay in laundry disinfectant. Because I'm immunocompromised and riddled with infections, I have to wash my laundry in medical grade disinfectant. My skin infections are so bad and so persistent that I've been hospitalised because of them on multiple occasions and of course had multiple surgeries on my foot infections. The laundry disinfectant helps a lot. But it's not provided on the NHS, that's another thing I have to pay for myself. No money of course. I've made about 3 mutual aid posts and two lemmy posts asking for help with this.
And my period has started just 2 weeks after the last one.
I'm so tired, why does everything always have to be a struggle?
First things first:
Now, as to the rest. I remember that a while ago, I asked my doctor about this prescription stuff too, and they told me it's apparently mandatory to issue as few prescription sheets as possible. Don't know who makes the rules, but it could be a simple case of "Your GP has to follow a stupid rule" and not a "I dislike this patient and am gonna make their life more difficult". At least I hope that's the case here too. If not, fuck the GP.
I sympathize with the irregular period. The stress of the last few days might have something to do with it, so I hope this'll be a one time only event. Feel hugged, love.
I also hope someone comes through with the laundry disinfectant, can't be that you get another infection because of this one thing.
If they have to issue as few prescription sheets as possible, I wish they would just say so instead of just ignoring my request. But it makes it impossible for me to get my prescriptions, for instance one place has the 100mg thyroxine I need. Another place has the 25mg thyroxine. Another place has the 50mg thyroxine. Another place has the other meds. I can't get them all in one place and most of them can't even order the items I need in. So for instance today I took a sheet to the only chemist in town who has a type of thyroxine I need, I got the thyroxine but there were other items on the script they can't get, so I guess I just go without those items now. Surely it's better to issue a few extra sheets rather than let me go without meds. I'm so tired of dealing with it every month. Also my landlady has to drive me from chemist to chemist and complains about it.
I'm writing a letter to the GP to ask for 2 month (or loner) prescriptions instead of one month so i am not constantly dealing with this. I'll see what they say.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Always, and good luck, love
how can I cope with being hopeless, I don't want to explain my situation, I don't want to be lectured about how I can get out of my situation, I just want to cope without being addicted to some substance.
I would like to help you figure that out, comrade. Can you maybe tell me what "cope" means to you personally? Depending on what it means to you, the answer might change.
holding myself together until it gets slightly better
Alright, thank you. I have a few things that work for me, and maybe some could help you.
I wanna say that it doesn't matter what makes you hopeless, comrade, and I don't need to know any details. All I hope is that your hopelessness does not become too strong. I've had my share of substance abuse issues too, and they never make anything better. I hope you can pull through. I believe in you
thanks
gingerbrat has taken up the mantle of being a super-supporter of everyone, and that gives me peace ❤️❤️❤️
🫂 thank you for being the kind light that everyone needs
I'm sorry I'm not here to echo that kindness constantly, but all of you, please know that I do think of you and do wish endless blessings upon all of you ❤️
i wanna second loving gingerbrat's hard work of constant positive support. i gots hyperempathy and just get so depressed seeing the suffering, especially the suffering imposed by this baby-grinder of a "healthcare" system.
Rather than be beaten down, she puts in that effort, takes on that load. Even when she's not talking to me, i'm still lifted up, and just... just enormously grateful for her fortitude, grace, and love.
I wanna hug all of you (if you want to) all the time.
I get the hyperempathy and the overload feeling when it comes to the medical torture system. What I've realized over the years is that we all have the strength to carry on, despite the odds. But sometimes, you feel alone, so utterly, hopelessly alone and abandoned by people, love, and reason, it's crushing your soul and body. I remember being in these situations so many times as a teen, I was desperate for someone to tell me they understood, or at the very least, didn't blame me for feeling bad. I just wanted someone to listen and actually hear what I was feeling. And while I did not have anyone like that, I realized that I could try to be that person for someone somewhere else. So I'm trying, even if it's just a little bit.
hug all of you (if you want)
yes. yes i love hugs thanks
It's good to see you here again.
Oh you
You almost made me cry, love. I appreciate your kindness in turn, and I hope your life is filled with blessings and as much joy as possible. I know the world isn't looking too bright, but I want my comrades to be happy.
After quitting this job, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I definitely don't have 40 hours of anything (except sleep) in me each week, let alone being at a place I hate doing things I don't want to do.
I think aiming for 40 hours of sleep a week and finding a tolerable workload to finance the sleep time is the way to go here.
I know you're gonna do fine, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you 
I'm back to be able to wear shoes comfortably at last. My surgical wounds have pretty much healed and aren't painful any more. The black cloud is my bloody tendon, still inflamed. But at least I'm able to walk around outside for about 5 minutes a time, three times a day. Better than being trapped indoors permanently, but still frustrating. I am so desperate to be able to walk more. But it's thanks to this community helping me get the things I needed that my surgeries are finally over and healed, and my landlady's car is usable again and for that I couldn't be more thankful.
I haven't posted in here before but today I just needed a place to speak my peace and I hope that is alright.
I am 37 years old. I was a Chef for 15 years. My family was poor and when my father stole the savings we had for college I attended Job Corp to get my culinary degree. Seeing that they have now been defunded kind of made me think about where I am and how I was so grateful for that opportunity even if my body has fallen apart.
I have Porphyria, COPD, Heart Failure, Antiphospholipid Syndrome, Lupus, and Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. Many of these conditions were unknown to me until my state finally expanded medicaid. Since then I have undergone alot of testing and seem to be collecting new diagnoses like Pokemon.
I had filed for Disability 2 years ago and have many conditions that should qualify me according to their own website. Instead NC has given me the run around for years, denied me twice, i filed again and have now been waiting a year with almost no contact from them despite constant calls and messaging and emails.
Last July I became homeless due to my savings running out and being unable to work. I used the last of my money on a car so that I wouldn't be living on the street. I have been driving for Lyft to stay alive and afford my food, gas, and medicines. Constant doctor visits and hospitalizations have made it impossible to keep up with even those lately and my car is now falling apart as well. No AC with the Carolina summer coming up, a failing transmission, and god knows what else that is keeping me from passing inspection now and unable to renew my registration because of it. Even if I could afford it.
The system is literally killing me and Trump and the Republicans have made it somehow even more unforgiving. This month I even lost my food stamps as NC told me I didn't work enough to qualify.
As i type this I sit here feeling what I think is the beginning of blood clots forming again in my lung and leg and I don't know if I even want to go to the hospital again because I am not seeing a point.
I only keep going for my Partner, my Mother, and my little brother but I really don't feel anything for me anymore. I am so tired and don't see the end of this tunnel like I used to. All i see is the end of the month approaching while i am hospitalized and unable to work enough to pay for the impossible bills that have accrued from Disability constantly delaying my approval.
I see me, on the street because my car is unable to be registered, unable to work to afford my medicines, and still dying here either way.
Sorry for the downer comment but I needed somewhere to vent and I am sure many of you have seen similar struggles and I don't want to feel so alone.
Received a 40k hospital bill from my time in the ICU today because Medicaid didn't want to cover it. I love America so much
In the grim dark future of western civilization, there is only medical debt
Sorry I've been afk lately. As I said in a comment below I am ok with adding new mods and having volunteers do the megas. I don't thnk the other still active mods would mind but I don't wanna make that decision solo. I'm gonna try to message them in the mod chat about it.
For me, the reason I'm been pretty quiet on here lately is because I was trying to get my PSL chapter going, then got involved in an anarchist collective and we are working on a few Panthers inspired projects. Last week we spent a lot of time trying our best to provide food, water, medical aid and transportation to a local unhoused encampment since the city decided they wanted to put all the unhoused into a concentration camp. Trying to not get to into it, they used tax money to proved essentially tin cans for the homeless to live in but there are only spots for 50 people and we have well over 100. The encampment got torn down and now we don't have any way to communicate with probably 75% of them and we are trying to figure out next steps. The city funded camp only has room for 50 but also does not let anyone stay there during the day, doesn't allow safe use sites as a safety net, and also only allows a small amount of personal belonging. One couple we were helping had 3 dogs and they only let them take 2. In the end, they also arrested one of them over ancient charges from her past. Essentially the whole thing is an excuse for law enforcement to use violence against the unhoused.
We have a few other things we are working on but that sort of took center stage. ACAB. Humans deserve dignity. Housing and food is a human right and should not be treated as a commodity.
this month marks a year since i cut out my abusive ex and started getting treatment for depression/anxiety, and im pretty proud of how far i've come with that, so that's pretty cool
I am very happy about the new mega, thank you
My surgery was quite the ordeal, and I'm still recovering, but I honestly regret going through with it. I just wanna curl up and die. There're moments when I don't feel any pain and think it's fine, and then I just try to move even the tiniest bit and the wound explodes with pain. My doctor told me this was to be expected, but honestly, I don't think it was necessary to do it. Anyway, suffering and recovering over here, hope your week is treating you better.