disabled

I haven't posted in here before but today I just needed a place to speak my peace and I hope that is alright.

I am 37 years old. I was a Chef for 15 years. My family was poor and when my father stole the savings we had for college I attended Job Corp to get my culinary degree. Seeing that they have now been defunded kind of made me think about where I am and how I was so grateful for that opportunity even if my body has fallen apart.

I have Porphyria, COPD, Heart Failure, Antiphospholipid Syndrome, Lupus, and Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. Many of these conditions were unknown to me until my state finally expanded medicaid. Since then I have undergone alot of testing and seem to be collecting new diagnoses like Pokemon.

I had filed for Disability 2 years ago and have many conditions that should qualify me according to their own website. Instead NC has given me the run around for years, denied me twice, i filed again and have now been waiting a year with almost no contact from them despite constant calls and messaging and emails.

Last July I became homeless due to my savings running out and being unable to work. I used the last of my money on a car so that I wouldn't be living on the street. I have been driving for Lyft to stay alive and afford my food, gas, and medicines. Constant doctor visits and hospitalizations have made it impossible to keep up with even those lately and my car is now falling apart as well. No AC with the Carolina summer coming up, a failing transmission, and god knows what else that is keeping me from passing inspection now and unable to renew my registration because of it. Even if I could afford it.

The system is literally killing me and Trump and the Republicans have made it somehow even more unforgiving. This month I even lost my food stamps as NC told me I didn't work enough to qualify.

As i type this I sit here feeling what I think is the beginning of blood clots forming again in my lung and leg and I don't know if I even want to go to the hospital again because I am not seeing a point.

I only keep going for my Partner, my Mother, and my little brother but I really don't feel anything for me anymore. I am so tired and don't see the end of this tunnel like I used to. All i see is the end of the month approaching while i am hospitalized and unable to work enough to pay for the impossible bills that have accrued from Disability constantly delaying my approval.

I see me, on the street because my car is unable to be registered, unable to work to afford my medicines, and still dying here either way.

Sorry for the downer comment but I needed somewhere to vent and I am sure many of you have seen similar struggles and I don't want to feel so alone.

I'm back to be able to wear shoes comfortably at last. My surgical wounds have pretty much healed and aren't painful any more. The black cloud is my bloody tendon, still inflamed. But at least I'm able to walk around outside for about 5 minutes a time, three times a day. Better than being trapped indoors permanently, but still frustrating. I am so desperate to be able to walk more. But it's thanks to this community helping me get the things I needed that my surgeries are finally over and healed, and my landlady's car is usable again and for that I couldn't be more thankful.

Sorry I've been afk lately. As I said in a comment below I am ok with adding new mods and having volunteers do the megas. I don't thnk the other still active mods would mind but I don't wanna make that decision solo. I'm gonna try to message them in the mod chat about it.

For me, the reason I'm been pretty quiet on here lately is because I was trying to get my PSL chapter going, then got involved in an anarchist collective and we are working on a few Panthers inspired projects. Last week we spent a lot of time trying our best to provide food, water, medical aid and transportation to a local unhoused encampment since the city decided they wanted to put all the unhoused into a concentration camp. Trying to not get to into it, they used tax money to proved essentially tin cans for the homeless to live in but there are only spots for 50 people and we have well over 100. The encampment got torn down and now we don't have any way to communicate with probably 75% of them and we are trying to figure out next steps. The city funded camp only has room for 50 but also does not let anyone stay there during the day, doesn't allow safe use sites as a safety net, and also only allows a small amount of personal belonging. One couple we were helping had 3 dogs and they only let them take 2. In the end, they also arrested one of them over ancient charges from her past. Essentially the whole thing is an excuse for law enforcement to use violence against the unhoused.

We have a few other things we are working on but that sort of took center stage. ACAB. Humans deserve dignity. Housing and food is a human right and should not be treated as a commodity.

Received a 40k hospital bill from my time in the ICU today because Medicaid didn't want to cover it. I love America so much

this month marks a year since i cut out my abusive ex and started getting treatment for depression/anxiety, and im pretty proud of how far i've come with that, so that's pretty cool

I am very happy about the new mega, thank you

My surgery was quite the ordeal, and I'm still recovering, but I honestly regret going through with it. I just wanna curl up and die. There're moments when I don't feel any pain and think it's fine, and then I just try to move even the tiniest bit and the wound explodes with pain. My doctor told me this was to be expected, but honestly, I don't think it was necessary to do it. Anyway, suffering and recovering over here, hope your week is treating you better.

I'm just gonna go live in an anarchist commune.

I've basically had free reign to contribute to this group I am organizing with these last 2 days and it's felt so meaningful and impactful. I'm working on a website for a food co-op we are starting, and also working on helping set up a sponsored free breakfast program and it's been so rewarding. I feel like I'm being seen for my skills I'm able to contribute and also being treated as a human. They are giving me feedback and actual meaningful praise that doesn't feel like corpo jargon bullshit. I really hope this co-op takes off and we can create enough surplus that I can possibly quit my job and work for this full time. I'm not sure how NGO's and non-profits manage all that. I might bring it up in our meeting tomorrow evening.

In any case, these last 2 days have been amazing for my mental health and now I gotta go back to my regular job. I'm trying to stay positive about it though.

i do not like that unemployment has become a meme thing to make fun of people for lately

I wanted to say that all your kind comments as well as the conversations with all of you really picked up my spirits these last few days. I'm usually a very negative person when it comes down to me, and I tend to lash out at people around me when I'm feeling scared or in pain, often in immensely cruel ways. I had such a moment just this week, and was thinking of how I'm no better than my mother, but then you lot chimed in and really changed my perspective. I'm grateful to all of you, those who needed help as much as those who gave it. I'm just as conflicted as everybody else, I have my horrible moments, but I can also be a good person. So, ahm, thanks comrades, for making me feel human again.

I am so sick of having to deal with prescriptions. This month there were more issues. I got my script and struggled to even find a pharmacy that could fulfil it. It took days to find a pharmacy that had the exact thyroid and cancer meds that I need. And it was a pharmacy further away than usual, my landlady drove me there to get it but it pissed her off that she had to help me with yet another thing. Another bother is that i asked the GP surgery - even wrote them a letter asking - that they put my thyroid and cancer meds on a separate script from the other items. But they ignored this and put all the items together. The pharmacy didn't have the other items in stock. This means we have to go back there another day to collect the other things. Why can't the damn GP surgery just do as I ask for once?

And I'm struggling to stay in laundry disinfectant. Because I'm immunocompromised and riddled with infections, I have to wash my laundry in medical grade disinfectant. My skin infections are so bad and so persistent that I've been hospitalised because of them on multiple occasions and of course had multiple surgeries on my foot infections. The laundry disinfectant helps a lot. But it's not provided on the NHS, that's another thing I have to pay for myself. No money of course. I've made about 3 mutual aid posts and two lemmy posts asking for help with this.

And my period has started just 2 weeks after the last one.

I'm so tired, why does everything always have to be a struggle?

Might be a bit redundant, but, as we head into the weekend again I want you all to remember that you matter, you are loved, and you belong! Thank you for being such an awesome community and always lovin on one another; it's lovely to witness. Ya'll inspire this awkward gremlin on the other side of the screen.

The disabled comm could maybe use some new mods. Only roux and AshenWolf have posted lately (both 2 days ago). khizuo posted 24 days ago, hexbee 1 month ago, and ReadFanon 4 months ago (and Ivysaur is a deleted account). Some of them may be online, just not posting. But if they aren't, we will be down to only Roux once AshenWolf leaves.

I've been reporting companies to the Powers That Be for discriminatory practices during interviews that violate the Civil Rights Act and ADEA and actually had some success in having them investigated with their posts flagged/removed on online job boards. Small victories.

gingerbrat has taken up the mantle of being a super-supporter of everyone, and that gives me peace ❤️❤️❤️

🫂 thank you for being the kind light that everyone needs

I'm sorry I'm not here to echo that kindness constantly, but all of you, please know that I do think of you and do wish endless blessings upon all of you ❤️

I should be doing chores but I'm completely , just laying in bed cuddling

I´m listening back to recordings of my patient interactions for my notes, and wondering aloud why none of my patients have punched me square in the face. My voice is so fucking annoying.

sleepy. I would like to be less sleepy. Please fix this.

i did something really really hard yesterday, had a meltdown and threw up from the stress, but i did it. and there seems to be this expectation from the people around me, that cos i did it once i can do it again, indefinitely. but it takes me like, a week to recover from this sorta thing, or else i get super burnt out

like in highschool i would throw up from stress every morning and that didn't stop until i started skipping 50% of my classes

i was not built for life i think

One of my neighbours is clearly not well, so she sometimes just screams for several minutes at a time. She sometimes repeats this in intervals over an hour or so. She's not in distress and she neither wants nor needs help. She just screams. It's not that big a deal except when she does it when I'm trying to sleep. She's loud enough that earplugs don't really solve the issue.

I don't really know what to do here. I'm thinking of trying to sound proof my apartment but that feels a bit silly. I could also tell her to duck into her closet when she needs to scream, but I don't know her well.

After quitting this job, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I definitely don't have 40 hours of anything (except sleep) in me each week, let alone being at a place I hate doing things I don't want to do.

how can I cope with being hopeless, I don't want to explain my situation, I don't want to be lectured about how I can get out of my situation, I just want to cope without being addicted to some substance.