Don't forget the other path in which you can end up saying 'I'm struggling because I'm stupid and unlovable because I have .'
this post was submitted on 09 May 2025
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Neurodivergence
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My people.
I feel a kinship with each and every one of you.
I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my mom. It took years to just not care about her.
After she died, amongst her things I found evidence that multiple people had told her to get me tested for ADHD when I was a child. She opted not to, but after I graduated college 10 years after my peers, she told me not that she was proud of me, but that when my sister was a kid, people had told her to get her “tested” (she didn’t elaborate), but instead looked me square in the eyes and said “but I knew none of my babies were retarded!” It’s clear the story wasn’t about my sister.
I might actually hate her more now than I did when she was alive.
Oh bonus, have your parents tell you all those things directly!
Ditto. And it's abuse
And then you internalize that for the rest of your life
Oh god yes! It can change how you think forever.
This was me with undiagnosed ADHD, now diagnosed in later life.
I always thought I was just lazy and broken. Turns out I am not lazy at all. I mean I’m broken by life at this point, but to say I turned my life around after diagnosis is an understatement.
What makes me sad is I realise I was incredibly lucky to land a job at Apple who were so supportive and that led to my diagnosis upskilling and now I’m a software developer. So many people think that luck doesn’t play a part in their life and we would do well to realise where we have been lucky and take a moment to consider all the people who were not lucky. I don’t say this to say I didn’t work my ass off too, but hard work alone doesn’t cut it most the time.
Yes, that's what they want. They think that you can just will your way to mental health and acuity, so thinking "I'm struggling because I'm weak and stupid" will spur you to become strong and smart, while thinking I'm struggling because I have ____ will give you an excuse to keep struggling. They're wrong, but that's what people often think, at least in my experience. They don't see it as a disease you need to treat in order to improve, they see it as a character flaw you need to overcome in order to improve. One guy told me he views "the whole 'neurodivergence' thing" as being like a kid who doesn't want to eat their vegetables saying they've been diagnosed with "can't eat vegetables disease."
Not me, ofc—I'm just stupid, weak, annoying, unlovable, etc
I really, really, sincerely doubt it. The only people I've met who've said they're those things are very much not those things. (Honestly, they're usually awesome.) The people I've met who one could argue are those things? They don't think they are, they think they're hot shit and everyone else is the problem.
Also, I've seen you around for a while, and you just don't seem like it! You seem cool, thoughtful, intelligent, and interesting to talk to. I genuinely mean it.
But, I totally get and understand the feeling. I do the same thing, unfortunately. Our brains tell ourselves some silly shit in order to try to cope with our fucked up situations, and it often starts in childhood. So it's some poor little kid just doing their best to make sense of things in there, ya know? They deserve kindness.
I'd appreciate it if you'd do what you can to try to be more kind and understanding to my cool acquaintance Mac. Mac deserves that. :) <3
(Would you believe that this is the short version of what all I wanted to say to you? Ha! My genuine apologies to you if it's obnoxious or unwanted!)
This happened to my grandfather! He was born during the great depression. We suspect it was bipolar disorder. There was no treatment available for him, and after 30 years of pain he started violently abusing his children. They all continued the tradition and now I have a century of generational trauma to deal with! :D please get tested
This is very true. Several people who are close to me have mentioned feeling exactly this - that they had some personality defect, when in reality they were neurodivergent.
Yupppp
parents like that should be guillotined