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Parents won't stop talking about friends' appearances (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 months ago by OlPatchy2Eyes@lemmy.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world
13 comments fedilink hide all child comments

A number of my (M26) friends are women. I'm travelling and my parents want me to send them pictures, but I can't send them a single picture with a girl next to me without her becoming my girlfriend in their eyes.

I do fine for myself too! Actual girlfriends come and go and I tell them when I'm dating someone, and they hardly seem to care.

Kills me dude.

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[-] mozz@mbin.grits.dev 24 points 4 months ago

They are just excited for you that you are traveling around and hanging out with people, and they love you so much that imagining you happy with this pretty girl as your girlfriend is overpowering

It is ok

I get why it bothers you, but out of all the sins a person’s parent can commit this one is pretty fuckin minor. Life is not forever, nor parents. I would let it go.

[-] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago

Too right.

My parents were all up in my business about my work, what I was doing, who I was seeing, and I felt smothered. Now I can see they just missed me and wanted to know about my life. Since we weren't sitting around the table taking about our day the only way they could catch up was calling me. I didn't realize how much their lives changed as I and my siblings moved out. All I could see was my future ahead, moving forward, out of the nest. Their entire lives and routines were being upended after 20 years.

They're in their 80s now. Dad's on the decline, I don't think we'll have him much longer. I hope OP can get some balance and perspective. Life is too short to hold into resentment

[-] Dkarma@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

And the cats in the cradle....

[-] OlPatchy2Eyes@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

You're right, I know it's harmless at the end of the day. The biggest issue it creates is that it makes me want to not talk about my friends with them, but I can get over it. Who cares if they think I'm getting a lot more action than I actually am anyway

[-] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 11 points 4 months ago

Take a picture with many women and let them guess.

Then explain to them what a harem is.

[-] ramble81@lemm.ee 6 points 4 months ago

Include a guy in there and then hint who it actually is

[-] protist@mander.xyz 9 points 4 months ago

Next time they say something like this, respond with something like "if I'm dating someone, I'll let you know. If you continue to assume things about my friends, or comment on their appearance, I'm going to stop sending you pictures."

If you introduce your next girlfriend to them and they don't seem to care, have an explicit sit-down conversation about it. Tell them how it makes you feel, point out the inconsistency, and tell them you're going to stop introducing them if their behavior doesn't change

[-] OlPatchy2Eyes@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

I've tried it and I can't seem to phrase it politely enough that it doesn't upset them (and boy can they get upset) but also firmly enough for them to actually listen. Kinda think I'm gonna try blurring my friends' faces so they can't tell me how beautiful they are anymore.

[-] protist@mander.xyz 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Dude, sorry about your parents. I see 3 options here...go no contact, assert boundaries that condition contact on their behavior, or do nothing and let them keep acting like this. There may be other options I don't see, but it's important to recognize they're probably going to act like this for the rest of your life, so it'll be best to be intentional about how you interact with them. They sound like the kind of people who'd try to interfere/fuck up your relationships if they don't like who you're with, and it sounds like they're going to be really good at finding fault. A therapist could help you unpack all their bullshit and figure out how best to communicate with them

[-] kandoh@reddthat.com 6 points 4 months ago

I would simply stop sending them pictures

[-] jjagaimo@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Ask them unconformable questions in response and don't give them an actual answer

[-] breadsmasher@lemmy.world -5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Are they the sort of parents who, in a friendly way, know calling these women your girlfriend bothers you so they like to poke and make fun?

Nice to have parents who care ☺️

editn- this was supposed to be a friendly light hearted comment. No idea what happened

[-] OlPatchy2Eyes@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

No I think they're just old-fashioned. My parents waited a while to have kids; they're in their 60s/70s now, so a bit older than most people are probably imagining. I don't think they actually believe a man and a woman can really be friends, so it's like they're trying to "call it" in a way.

I definitely wouldn't trade it for parents who didn't give a damn about what I was doing, at any rate. I guess I just wish they were a little more interested in what I'm doing and less interested in who I'm with is all.

Thanks for the comment/perspective. Not sure what's up with the downvotes on yours in particular.

this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2024
29 points (96.8% liked)

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