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ladies of hexbear. is this true?
(lemmygrad.ml)
is the bar that low? :brow:
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this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
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askchapo
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When my friend, his kids and I were out getting groceries, an older woman asked my friend "Are you babysitting today?" They answered "I'm a dad, I'm parenting" in a way that made it clear that this was not the first time they've been asked this (they confirmed it was fairly common actually). I asked some of my other guy friends if they got that question before too, and they all said yes, at least once. The bar does not get higher after marriage/kids culturally
That answer is 420.6969% correct. It also reveals how fucked up our understanding/views of cishet relationships are, it's really bad to think that proper child-rearing somehow a burden. Taking care of children should be something we celebrate not something we mock with these sorts of jokes.
I don't have the knowledge to articulate this thought and I'm sure other big dawg leftists throughout history have already done so much better than I could. It's really fucked up that we see parenting (particularly when father's do active fatherhood-ing in public) in modern life. I don't have the language for it, but it's just plainly bad how we look at parenting.
I don't have the theory or the background or the experience to talk on parenthood but as an outside observer, I have always found it weird that all childcare-ing (particularly in public) is coded as "women's work", and often that "women's work" is outsourced to poorer women by richer women. Which is super fucked up.
I’m probably misapplying dialectical materialism here, but whatever it’s kinda fun: there are inherent contradictions even in parenting. I have multiple young kids. I can tell you, it is hard. Not a burden, but it’s hard a lot of the time. If you see me in the store with them I will probably look exhausted and overwhelmed. And in the moment, it might even feel burdensome. But my kids are awesome and I wouldn’t trade being a parent for anything. Trying to raise them right is my #1 life goal and it’s incredibly rewarding to me (but not rewarding to everyone, I should clarify that point. If you know you don’t want kids you probably shouldn’t IMO). But the burden/reward is dialectically related. Those little humans just love you so much and are dependent on you for everything. That takes a lot out of you but also makes it all truly a joy even if there are moments when I can’t see it.
Hell yeah man. Sounds like you're seeing the burden of parenthood more as "responsibility with burdens" rather than just a burden. Sounds like you're going to do right by your kids! That's what being a leftie is all about, being cool to others.
Engels, Sankara, a little Mao, probably others too
Yeah, this kills me. But seeing what some other dads have done (or not done) wrt their kids, I see why the attitude exists.
For sure. Their expectations are set based on their experiences which is very sad. I'm sure they didn't even mean anything by it is the thing -- if anything, they probably saw it as a positive because it was counter to their own experiences. Shit's fucked