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this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2024
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fatherverse
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like daddit for the fediverse but we all eat pizza with ranch and say "ope" a lot. all dads and non-dads are welcome. ranch on pizza is recommended but not required. ope is mandatory.
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This is what I struggle with. Anytime I do something in public with my daughter, without my wife, I get awkward looks. It doesn't bring me down or stop me from spending time with my daughter but like...wtf? What would you have me do? Deny my daughter a trip to the park because Mom isn't available to go?
It's getting better each year, as more dads are more involved in their families. Had a conversation at work not too long ago where a gen X guy thought it was weird that a millennial dad wouldn't go to the bar after work because he wanted to spend time with his kid. The gen X guy looked around at the rest of us as if millennial dad was crazy, but he finally realized that he was the odd one out.
I got told off I overcuddle my daughter because I pick her up from kindergarten twice a week (and I drop her off every day).
I can't wrap my head around the logic.
The logic is men who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection threatens their fragile sense of masculinity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a financial provider, which feeds into their fears of what they've missed, so they ridicule and insult as a defense mechanism. Or something.
That would explain the reaction from men but not similar reactions from women, which are even more common in my experience.
The logic is women who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection by men threatens their fragile sense of femininity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a nurturer.
This makes sense and kind of echoes what the other commenter was saying. People have internalized norms/societal expectations and any deviation from it caused dissonance. People really do just look for any way to "other" others.
Can't say I can relate--in my experience, women have been the ones who either think nothing of it or approve more (though it can border on infantalizing). But I've known some women who internalized the mysogyny they grew up in, and anything departing from "traditional" (i.e., toxic) masculinity in men threatens their worldview.
Our worldview is a bit like our gums--forms at an early age, and if we don't regularly "floss" (challenging ourselves with growth and listening to differing perspectives), any challenge causes pain and discomfort. Flossing, like growing a worldview, isn't pleasant at first, but we're much healthier for it.