I don’t.

I shot myself in the head last fall and just woke up like nothing had happened. Then I promptly experienced a powerful mandela effect. The most powerful and undeniable one in my life (because the thing that changed is something I had experienced in its “old” version a few days before I did the deed).

I’m pretty sure what that means is that when I die, I transition to the nearest universe where I didn’t.

It made me realize that I might be here an extremely long time, and that leaving is not an option no matter how dark it gets.

Since then, I have had a gusto and commitment to life that I never had before. I’ve been kind of suicidal my whole life. Always keeping it in the back of my head: if things get bad enough, I’ll just go.

But now my escape boats are burned, and my only choice is forward.

The experience has actually been really wonderful. It’s so much easier to get myself moving. I just remind myself that if I don’t take care of my shit now, the next ten thousand years are really gonna suck.