Lavatory paper, toilet tissue, bog roll, bumwad, arse wipe, shit tickets; we all need it but I can't find a good one for a reasonable price.

Obviously I don't want the tracing paper you get in a public toilet, but it seems a waste to pay for the quadruple-velvet perfume-soaked premium nonsense. Supermarket own brand is soft enough but tends to fall apart. Who Gives A Crap is environmentally friendly but their basic stuff disintegrates immediately and their premium stuff is even more expensive than the fancy Andrex.

And no, there's no room for a bidet.