this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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Trans men, are there any more-or-less universal things not to do/say in bed with you? (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 year ago by someone@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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I have a meet-and-greet no-obligations coffee date this week with a trans man, probably leading to him coming over this weekend if we hit it off in person. I'm a cis bi man, and I've never been with a trans man before. Obviously he and I are going to talk about mutual expectations and limits, safewords, etc. But are there any things that I should absolutely not do or say that are basically universal in the trans man experience? I want to get off on the right foot.

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[–] Angel@hexbear.net 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm not a trans man myself, but I am trans, so any trans men here can correct me if I'm wrong. I'm gonna speak pretty broadly, though.

I'd think the rules would be very similar to how you treat anybody, be they cis or trans, and you seem to be a little knowledgeable on that, mentioning expectations, limits, safewords, etc.

When it comes to trans people in particular, regardless of gender, navigating dysphoria and avoiding things like transphobic or fetishizing sexual remarks that you might not be aware of will usually come to mind.

[–] someone@hexbear.net 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's more the last part that I'm particularly worried about.

[–] Yor@hexbear.net 18 points 1 year ago

The best way to work through that is definitely communicate. While there are certainly near universal things to avoid like angel mentioned, trans people are all different in what we like and don't like. If you still want more general advice you could try trans subs like r/ftm