Fuck an OTA update too, I don’t want that either

Yeah no - you're dead wrong about that. My oldish car has an annoying glitch where it occasionally goes into limp home mode. The workaround makes it pretty clear this could be fixed with a software change (or even just a non-vague error code would be nice...) - but my car can't do OTA updates and also it's old enough it doesn't really have software so a recall would be hideously expensive.

It's not a safety problem, so wouldn't rigger a recall. When it's under warranty, they fix it... but sometimes it takes several attempts with multiple thousand dollar parts replaced on suspicion before finally finding the one that caused it, when it fails out of warranty... either live with the issue or sell the car for spare parts.

if an OTA update was possible they would absolutely do that. The ones that fail under warranty must be costing them a fortune.

But the real issue is recalls are expensive, and ultimately the car buyer pays for them. Car manufacturers are not charities, they will either raise prices to cover the cost of a recall or they will go bankrupt to avoid doing a recall. There is no other option on the table.