this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2023
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Asklemmy
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I mean this is moving away from the point of the technology talk, but the words you're using says a lot. Words like intruding, without invitation, annoying people, deciding that people don't want to talk to you for them. It's like you view social interaction as putting an undue burden on to people. It's like you're deciding you're unlikeable for them. Thinking stuff like that affects your body language, your words, how you say things. On top of your appearance and all that too. You got to work on your internal battles first and realize you're not being a burden talking to someone. Did you think that when replying to me, or care what I think about you? Hopefully not. Channel that same energy irl. The difference is, rejection irl definitely hurts more then being called cringe thru online text
You're basically right, and all I'm saying is that a technological solution like: my phone buzzes and tells me "the person over there is open to meeting new people and isn't busy at the moment" would be rad as hell. Just a little reassurance that I'm not an intruder so I don't get caught in my own head and trip over my own neurosis.
Also, online is totally different from IRL. We're all just lines of text on a screen here; NPCs in the posting RPG. Even better, by responding you've already proven that you're open to responses.
... although I just realized we can't disable inbox replies and now I'm freaking out! ๐
I am like you, also wanting a signal before interacting.
I think for me, a big reason is because I'm autistic and I won't be able to perceive any 'cues' from other people, so I default to assuming they don't want to talk unless they're extremely explicit about the opposite.
But I think a lot of people also look for a signal, they're just better able to read it from body language and whatnot?
I'm actually overly sensitive to perceiving cues from other people, so I get constant false signals all the time and it stresses me the hell out! I try so very hard not to assume what other people are thinking, but I am so so so sensitive to even the slightest signs that I blow things way out of proportion.
Like, a typical person talks to a stranger and see's "oh they're busy, I'll talk to them later"
I talk to a stranger and see "oh they hate me I guess I'll go die lol"
And it doesn't matter that I know it isn't real! I'll just spend the rest of the day beating myself up for bothering them, even as I run around in circles in my own head arguing with myself that I'm being ridiculous. Ugh. Just thinking about this has me stressed lol