389
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world 35 points 8 months ago

I've fucked this up a few times and snapped at my kids for things that it isn't reasonable to expect of them. It's really hard when they show maturity beyond their age and developmental level in some aspects because you can almost forget they aren't fully developed and so the behavior can feel intentional. Like you get this flash of thinking, "I know the kid knows this is wrong," and if you aren't mindful in that moment, you can handle it wrong.

I have always made sure to calm myself down and then go talk to them about it. I apologize for losing my temper and, with an emphasis on how what I did was NOT ok, explain what I was feeling and why it made me react inappropriately. I'm pretty big on making them understand that adults are fallable and make mistakes, too.

I don't know...it feels like it's working well.

[-] treetop@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago

We are taking the same approach and every word you said landed with me, matched my experience.

I'll add that this is a VERY different strategy from the approaches taken by both my partner's and my parents.

It's not easy, but I think we're raising better humans than ourselves. On days when it's exhausting and you're burned out and you feel like you can't do it, cling to that.

You're doing great. It's worth it. Keep it up! 💚

[-] Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

100% agree. My childhood is a haze of physical and psychological abuse... not just between the parents and kids but between the adults as well. If I'm proud of anything, it's the success I've had breaking that cycle. I slip up sometimes, but I can honestly say I've never called either of my kids hurtful names or laid a hand on them in anger.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 6 points 8 months ago

when they show maturity beyond their age

When I was a kid I was always praised for being mature beyond my age.

Really what I was, was beaten down, defeated, paranoid … and therefore quiet and non-aggressive.

If a kid’s “maturity” consists of being quieter than the other kids, or perhaps of seeking out the company of adults rather than other kids, it’s possible that’s not maturity but rather a mask he’s wearing to avoid being attacked.

[-] Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world 3 points 8 months ago

That mirrors my own childhood as well. It's actually things like like standing up when I wouldn't have expected it. As an example, I've overheard my preteen chastising her friends for talking about someone behind their back. Another example is our 2nd grader bringing home an assignment the other day where she was supposed to write what she wanted to be when she grew up, and her answer was "kind."

Like holy shit kid... they're both miles ahead of where I was at their ages around topics of justice and the skills it takes to maintain social cohesion, and they're so much braver than I was and willing to use their social capital to stick up for people that can't themselves. Then they'll come home and get in a fight with each other over a spot on the couch or something insignificant like that.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 8 months ago

That’s awesome! I wish half the adults around me would chastise people for talking behind someone’s back. It’s like people forgot gossip is toxic.

[-] Bahalex@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

Ugh… that explains me, so I’m hoping that my kid stays an immature, frustrating, loud, undefeated and happy child for a long time yet.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 8 months ago

Kids are supposed to be selfish assholes. They’re supposed to push boundaries and test people, and fight with other kids and learn respect the hard way (which is a lot easier kid v kid than it is adult v adult).

That’s the correct time and place to get that all out of one’s system: childhood.

[-] monkeyman512@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

That sounds like a great approach. I don't have kids and am still working on getting better that kind of reflection and communication.

[-] assassin_aragorn@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago

That's the approach I hope to take someday when I have kids. I'm glad to hear it seems to be working well.

this post was submitted on 29 Feb 2024
389 points (95.8% liked)

Showerthoughts

29525 readers
293 users here now

A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. A showerthought should offer a unique perspective on an ordinary part of life.

Rules

  1. All posts must be showerthoughts
  2. The entire showerthought must be in the title
  3. Avoid politics
    1. NEW RULE as of 5 Nov 2024, trying it out
    2. Political posts often end up being circle jerks (not offering unique perspective) or enflaming (too much work for mods).
    3. Try c/politicaldiscussion, volunteer as a mod here, or start your own community.
  4. Posts must be original/unique
  5. Adhere to Lemmy's Code of Conduct-----

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS