I'm Cave Johnson, here to personally thank you for volunteering to test Aperture Science's brand new long range spacetime displacement device. Before we begin, there's 2 things I need to mention.

First off, there is a non-zero percent, closer to 90, chance that you will end up being a just a random arrangement of atoms after the test. Not in a philosophical way. Just an absolutely random heap of atoms sprawled across the testing chamber floor.

Second, I need to remind you that the waiver you signed is iron clad. You can thank the suits in legal for that.

Now let's begin!