this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2023
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What is the funniest way to derail an active-shooter training? (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 years ago by Rashav3rak@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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Found out we're doing a mandatory active-shooter training at work. It'll be "non interactive" which I guess means no fake guns or practice takedowns or whatever they do to scare people. At least one of my coworkers has already expressed adamant opposition to this, so I have at least one ally. I'd be more opposed if I were going to have fake guns pointed at me, but if it's just sitting in a room listening to someone talk, I don't mind being paid to listen to their bullshit. Anyway, beyond what I've said, I don't know much about these trainings, so what are some funny ways I could derail it? Don't hold back

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[–] riseuppikmin@hexbear.net 49 points 2 years ago (8 children)

Start asking them for how to respond to increasingly bizarre situations:

Start with something plausible like a team of shooters then move on to like "What if they have access to a rooftop helicopter? What about an armed Humvee? How do we deal with tanks?"

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago

What if they ask for a reversible leather Planet Hollywood jacket in their list of demands? They don't even make those anymore!

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 26 points 2 years ago (2 children)

"If Hamas breaches the walls should i hide behind my desk? What if they come up through the sewer?

[–] riseuppikmin@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

If it's Hamas and I am being held at gunpoint do the people with the vehicles with tvs on them still plan to put me on there if I don't say I condemn hamas at that moment?

[–] GarbageShoot@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago

Asking about how to respond to grenades would be a good intermediary step

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"What should we do in a John Equilibrium situation?"

[–] riseuppikmin@hexbear.net 27 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

What should we do if the shooters are wearing shirts marked 1, 2, and 4 and we get all of them but are not sure if there's a 3?

I'm hearing reports a potential shooter may have WMD but due to lies told about this from the media in previous situations I'm unsure what level of precaution I should take.

[–] nat_turner_overdrive@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago

what if it's numbered hogs but they're armed?

[–] AOCapitulator@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago

what if they paraglide in like hamas?!??!

[–] CTHlurker@hexbear.net 20 points 2 years ago

Bring up that you're terrified of Hamas and make it seem like a good faith question.

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago

"What if the shooter is armed with raspberries? What about a banana? What about a pointed stick?"

[–] Orannis62@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago

"Should I keep count of how many coworkers they kill so I know what killstreak to expect?"