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I feel so bad now that i started wearing, at home, (lemmy.ml)
submitted 9 months ago by TGhost@lemmy.ml to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Hello there,

Sorry for my english first,

For very recently now, im a girl at home, and i feel so good like this. Im so good when im wearing my sweatrobe,
When i see my legs shaved, i love them, i love me.

But now when im going outside (i keep the socks under pants) as man, i feel so unhappy, so bad.

How can i still go on without feeling shit to be a man now... i mean, its just wears...

Ive always hated do shoppings, but now i check robes on shops by walking the streets, and just that make me i want to be dress in girl mode, and i feel so unhappy, so sad, i want to cry at theses moments.

Do that will pass with the time,
Is it the classic way of the MTF ?
Could i be happy as girl at home, and as man outside ?

I just hope i feel like this, because affirming me to myself with wearings, is new...

Im now home, with my sweatrobe, with you lemmy, and my guitar, and now im good, now i'm...

Ty for the reading,

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[-] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I know how it feels. I recently quit my job because I didn't feel safe being out as a trans woman there and now I can be myself full-time (although I don't have a job anymore lol). I can say that you will probably always be depressed being someone you're not and having two identities is really tiring.

It is more than clothes though. It is also pronouns and body shape and etc. I think the reason you might have hated shopping before is because you were shopping for men's stuff and now you are looking at women's stuff which you like.

If you live somewhere where it is safe to be out as a transwoman then I'd say do it (when you are ready), random people in public care a lot less than you think they would. I'm going to guess that you are French based on you referring to dresses as robes (unless you actually mean robes then idk) in which case you should be ok to be out in public but if you aren't in a safe place, try looking for ways to get out, I know it's not easy but it isn't impossible either.

[-] TGhost@lemmy.ml 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Ty VM for your message.

I consider how it will be at work if I consider one day an coming out. And if I will have to leave.

But that isn't an concern for me I guess. You totally speak to me here. Btw I hope u will find another one fast, or not but have money to live well ! ^^

For the coming out, Bravo (French as you thought) ! Its safe where I'm , I've just not the strenght to do an coming out. I don't want to do it too. I'm scared I guess.

I've never considered your point of view for the shopping. I'm anti consumers (hate my self because I'm buying stuff theses times ofc XD). For me, its when I see this, I just want to be in girl mode, be dressed as one, " feel like one" without controlling gestures etc. But I'm in man mode when I fell this. I want to be in the euphorya at the moment, but I can't because not at home... But that's clearly make sense and give me something to think.

Ty again for your share

[-] Transtronaut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 9 months ago

I’m anti consumers (hate my self because I’m buying stuff theses times ofc XD)

Remember - gender dysphoria is a legitimate illness. That means whatever you're buying is medicine, so it doesn't count as consumerism. 😉 ❤️

[-] TGhost@lemmy.ml 4 points 9 months ago

Ah ah ty very much. This point of view can help me a lot ^^"

this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2023
66 points (100.0% liked)

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