I lean leftwards because I want more people to get the help, dignity and peace they need and deserve. Now I feel a wave of being told to "harden my heart" and I feel scared and isolated. I don't have it in me to become a martyr and estrange myself from most people any further, I get nervous with the leftism I see so often expressed as wanting the bad people suffer, and that anything short of revolution is not just not good enough, but worse than doing nothing. And then I have constant guilt that I'm judging people more discriminated than me for how they express things; that my fears aren't valid and expressions of privilege.
By now I'm feeling emotional burnout, I get annoyed by any respone that isn't in-depth analysis because it just feels like watching the same responses happening over and over and never going anywhere.
Except thats literally not what happened in Russian or chinese revs
before the fighting started (pre october rev and pre long march) captured comrades were helped to escape and go undergroun and/or into exile. During the civil wars, captured comrades were usually brutally murderes by reactionaries and people were happy if they survived somehow, helped them recover, and sent them.back to work.
I dont know as much about the internal processes and procedures the cpc followed, but the bolsheviks did full investigations for suspected traitors not just kill on suspicion.
Cuba's an even bigger demonstration of how misguided your view is. Even enemy troops were treated well and often recruited! Fidel stressed this "niceness" as the unique element thats made cuba so strong and popular