I lean leftwards because I want more people to get the help, dignity and peace they need and deserve. Now I feel a wave of being told to "harden my heart" and I feel scared and isolated. I don't have it in me to become a martyr and estrange myself from most people any further, I get nervous with the leftism I see so often expressed as wanting the bad people suffer, and that anything short of revolution is not just not good enough, but worse than doing nothing. And then I have constant guilt that I'm judging people more discriminated than me for how they express things; that my fears aren't valid and expressions of privilege.
By now I'm feeling emotional burnout, I get annoyed by any respone that isn't in-depth analysis because it just feels like watching the same responses happening over and over and never going anywhere.
I'm never going to be able to participate actively in a violent revolution. I could protect my family and loved ones with violence if necessary but I'm just not that person. Fortunately, there are people who can.
If you want to be able to help your comrades if and when the time should come, there is plenty need for non-combatants. If you live in a rural area, lean to farm. If you live in a city, learn first-aid!
Learn first aid, whether rural, urban, suburban.