I lean leftwards because I want more people to get the help, dignity and peace they need and deserve. Now I feel a wave of being told to "harden my heart" and I feel scared and isolated. I don't have it in me to become a martyr and estrange myself from most people any further, I get nervous with the leftism I see so often expressed as wanting the bad people suffer, and that anything short of revolution is not just not good enough, but worse than doing nothing. And then I have constant guilt that I'm judging people more discriminated than me for how they express things; that my fears aren't valid and expressions of privilege.
By now I'm feeling emotional burnout, I get annoyed by any respone that isn't in-depth analysis because it just feels like watching the same responses happening over and over and never going anywhere.
Please take this with kindness. I've been off work for 4 months due to burn out and I wish this is how someone explained it to me 20 years ago:
There is no need out there in the world that is so unique that only you can meet it except for taking care of yourself. No one else can know your needs as well as you do and fulfill them for you. If you are not taken care of, you will not be able to do anything for others. Wise people don't ignore maintence and expect a machine to just run infinitely, right?
There is no shame in struggling and asking for help, just as there is no shame in struggling and taking a break. Focus on your schooling and self care. This will equip you to better care for your comrades when you have more capacity.
I say this to myself all the time "What other people think of my is none of my business", but also in this case they aren't thinking of you as an individual so there is even less to worry about!
As a practical tip I'd suggest adopting "I don't know enough to form an opinion" as a mantra. That way you don't need to worry about them lumping you in with a group that is complacent or supports reform because you simply don't have an opinion on the topic!
Obviously this doesn't work if it's something you need to make a decisions on, but global politics? Do you influence it? No? Stop worrying about it right now.
The two lessons at the end are good ones and I've been trying to follow them for quite some time. Unfortunately my insecurities are very persistent, so it will take a long time before I've fully taken them to heart. I generally tend to judge myself more harshly than others, then being told that I'm doing better than I thought.