I lean leftwards because I want more people to get the help, dignity and peace they need and deserve. Now I feel a wave of being told to "harden my heart" and I feel scared and isolated. I don't have it in me to become a martyr and estrange myself from most people any further, I get nervous with the leftism I see so often expressed as wanting the bad people suffer, and that anything short of revolution is not just not good enough, but worse than doing nothing. And then I have constant guilt that I'm judging people more discriminated than me for how they express things; that my fears aren't valid and expressions of privilege.
By now I'm feeling emotional burnout, I get annoyed by any respone that isn't in-depth analysis because it just feels like watching the same responses happening over and over and never going anywhere.
I have certainly come across some hypocrisy and lack of concern for others, both here and on lemmy. For instance I've had someone tell me that it doesn't matter at all what happens to me personally, whether I go hungry, homeless or unsafe, all that matters is that I "agitate for the cause." I've had one person write an in-depth analysis of how I should harm myself, several people tease me for weeks on end over mutual aid (promising aid as a joke and not delivering), someone giving me what basically amounts to nationalistic abuse in the form of using my nationality as to why I'm a horrible person who shouldn't be listened to, and all kinds of other stuff. Luckily most people here are kind, but I've seen first hand here that just because someone is a leftist doesn't automatically make them a decent person. Some people are just using it as a way to vent their frustrations on to others rather than really wanting to help.