this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2026
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Like someone already said in here,
I would say that the type of people that are "terrified" are the type that are "hyper-competitive".
They're extremely status minded and constantly want to tear people down to pull themselves up.
It's also why they're disgusted with non-manliness, which is not the same as gay in my opinion.
You can have a manly man who is gay and a girly man who is heterosexual.
Even making fun of acting tough behavior gets them into disgust.
You can't have fun with these people.
I do have to say, before I was in a relationship,
I would get annoyed if mistaken for gay and thus prefer to avoid any confusion.
I consider the dating market to be skewed in favor of women simply by the numbers
and anything to further pull down those chances was the last thing I needed.
I was sequestered indoors my entire life. My parents lived in the middle of nowhere, and wouldn't help me get away from home -- tried to get my license several times. I wasn't allowed to go to other people's houses. People weren't allowed to come over -- they could be bad influences. My first snowman was at 28 years old. I tried to go to college and they disconnected the Internet mid-semester, because it was Satanic.
School was a battleground of guys terrified to be anywhere near me.
Every time I try and find male friends, it always ends in me not being manly enough. And it's rattled me to my core. I literally can't be around men anymore, despite doing numerous home and auto repairs growing up. Wiring shit together, etc. It always ends the same. I've always wanted guy friends. I just can't try anymore.
Which is the reason for the question. Why are grown-ass men afraid of people not being manly enough?
In my understanding, and being myself among the "not manly enough", the one like us grow mostly in two kinds: those who mask masculinity well enough, and those who don't.
Yet all those who mask it are affraid of us because they could fail their masking around us. And they hate us because we found a way to make it without spending a lot of energy in masking. It is not something they know nor do willingly.
I have tried to mask, instinctively, and because society was waiting it from me. You probably tried too. It is far from easy and a constant pointless effort. It was rejecting our real self while seeking to make ourself accepted... And I think putting it like this makes obvious that those who success at masking need to reject us to keep up their mask: if they begin to accept us, it would be too difficult for them to reject their real selves hard enough.
Also, you may recognize genuinely masculine men at the fact they aren't scared by feminine men nor gay men around them.
I'm sorry you've been treated this way. There's nothing wrong with you. I think if a man is scared of gay people it's because of their own insecurities.
This seems to be less about manliness and more about, you understand feelings and emotions. They've been told to stuff that shit down and don't express it. Ever. They may be more afraid of feelings and emotion than anything.