Asexual

Not sure I understand. Doesn't asexual mean no desire to have sex thus no sexual attraction?

To do a bit of an "um achstually ☝️🤓" Asexual means someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction. It has nothing do with whether someone has sex or wants to have sex

Many asexuals have sex for various reasons: intimacy, libido control, partner's pleasure, etc. Many also don't have sex either bc of a lack of desire or some are repulsed by the act or even the thoughts of sex

Its important to remember that allosexuals (non asexual people) can be sex repulsed for various reasons (one if which is trauma but that's not the only reason) and that's perfectly valid

So op, you don't necessarily need to find an asexual partner, and given the other info you've provided, like others have said, therapy may be a good place to start. Not bc there's something wrong with not wanting sex but bc thoughts of harming people (either genuine urges or intrusive thoughts) are not normal so talking to someone would be the most helpful. If you truly do want to have a sexual relationship with men then a medical professional should be able to help you get to the bottom of why you have these thoughts

Once you work on that part then do some thinking about what you actually want from a relationship. Do you actually want to have sex or do you feel like you're supposed to want that. Do you want to kiss people or have any physical intimacy? Once you've figure out what you want and who you want it with (men, women, enby, all of the above) then just be honest with people. It'll definitely be harder to find a partner if you don't want sex, but queer spaces will probably work better for you or if you're on dating apps make sure you're clear about not wanting sex. Only consider a poly or open relationship if that's something you want