this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2026
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Not The Onion

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Not exactly John Wick, but still...

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[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I'd watch the shit out of a John Wick remake where he only used dildos to kill people.

[–] treadful@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 days ago

I think you mean... John Dick

YEAHHHHH!!!

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

John is a man of focus. Commitment. Sheer will. Something you know very little about. I once saw him kill three men in a bar… with a penis. With a fuckin' DILDO. Suddenly one day he asked to leave. It was over a woman, of course. So I made a deal with him. I gave him an impossible task. A job no one could have pulled off. The bodies he buried that day... laid the foundation of what we are now. And then, my son, a few days after his wife died… you steal his car, and kill his fuckin' dog?

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 5 points 2 days ago

"Yeah--I'm thinking I'm back." *WOBBLE*