this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2026
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Recently there was a rumor spreading around my work that the earth was about to lose gravity for seven seconds and they should stay home to be safe.
Bosses are dumb. Use that to score extra vacation. Don't rock the fucking boat.
Uhh. No we are not. But we play dumb to also enjoy clearly fake things.
No, no. It’s absolutely true.
Scientists have known for years that the Earth’s gravitational field is remarkably stable—except when I fart.
At precisely 8:47 PM, I unleashed a fart of such extraordinary magnitude that NASA immediately detected a gravitational anomaly.
For exactly seven seconds, gravity simply gave up.
Cars floated. Birds were suddenly extremely confused. Somewhere in Ohio, a man watched his refrigerator slowly drift toward the ceiling.
NASA scrambled to identify the source.
“Where is this coming from?”
The technician checked the instruments.
“Sir… Georgia.”
A long silence followed.
“Dear God.”
At exactly seven seconds, gravity returned.
Scientists are now studying the event.
I have been asked not to fart again.
I have declined to comment.
If the result is I'm staying home for the day I'm happy to spread it along.