this post was submitted on 09 Aug 2026
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Mental Health

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I'm in my early 30s, so not necessarily "mid-life", but I think what I have been experiencing can be described this way. I went through a lot this past year, and it has both left some large scars as well as healed some other aspects and caused new ways of thinking in others. I've tried new things and enjoyed the things that I've tried.

But I feel like I need something "more", but I have no idea what that is. I keep getting caught on the horrifying realization of life being fleeting and I want to do something to make it more whole. But I can't outrun death so I don't know that anything is left to be done. But I feel like I need something to fill that space. I may in fact be chasing something that doesn't exist idk.

I guess I just feel a bit lost and would appreciate some direction.

More about me that may or may not influence your advice: I've always been a loner and the sort of "terminally online" type. I don't experience sexual attraction, so it sort of puts most options of relationships out the window. Asexual "dating" is not as prevalent or simple as you'd think. My career is very solid and I'm paid very well, so I'm not interested in switching careers. My career was a huge source of my trauma this past year, but I have made a lot of progress since and it's really not something I can easily change. I have discovered new and healthier forms of self-expression and have done new things. I own where I live and would not be able to sell it for as much as I paid for it either, which is another reason I'd be against moving. I am physically close-ish to family and visit every couple of weeks.

Thanks all for listening.

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[–] ashenone@lemmy.ml 5 points 22 hours ago (4 children)

If you want something more out of life, but don't want to change careers or where you live then you need something to fill your free time. Spend less time on the internet and find something you enjoy or care about. This can be anything from learning a musical instrument or forming language to volunteering at a soup kitchen or animal shelter.

I went through a similar crisis not too long ago and while my solution was much more drastic than what your looking for, spending less time online was probably the best change I made. Spending less time online made room for passion and hobbies, and I've felt much more fulfilled in my life the past two years than I ever have

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 3 points 22 hours ago (3 children)

When I was going through it really bad, I was on FMLA from work for several weeks and tried to volunteer at the food pantry nearly every day. It was a nice change of pace for a bit that helped me from being consumed with my thoughts. I would have loved to continue with them specifically, but it seems like this and a lot of volunteer gigs are more during business hours. It makes sense, but it's also when I work now lol.

Please don't see the above as me "making an excuse". I'm just almost kind of reminiscing about the time I guess.

I worked hard to get where I'm at. I've moved across the country several times and put blood, sweat, and tears through grad school to finally get the reward of my career and lucky to have my family somewhat nearby again. So that's why I'm satisfied with that particular part.

I'm curious as to your own life experience if you don't mind sharing.

[–] ashenone@lemmy.ml 2 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

So that's why I'm satisfied with that particular part.

It's good you recognize thr parts of your life you are satisfied with.

As far as my own experience goes I had a good union engineering job, but woke up every day feeling like I was wasting my life. So I saved up, quit my job and sold most of my stuff, bought a truck and trailer and traveled for the better parts of two years. I stayed off the grid and lived very simply, enjoyed hiking and being outdoors, and did a lot of reading. I ended up moving in with family when I ran out of money and found a real passion volunteering at an animal shelter. A full time position opened up at the shelter and I applied and got the job. I don't even miss the money or comfort of my own place at this point. I've also rediscovered a love for a few hobbies I had as a teenager and have the energy to pursue them now that I'm not working a job that's mentally draining me

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

That's such an amazing journey! Thank you so much for sharing!

One of my online friends decided she was done with regular life and managed to go off grid herself. I'm a bit of a wuss in need of more modern conveniences lolol.

For the period of time I was on FMLA, I did contemplate quitting my job and trying to get one full time at the food pantry, honestly. Working for the community like that has its own sense of fulfillment, so I'm glad you found yours at the animal shelter.

[–] ashenone@lemmy.ml 4 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

Sounds like the food pantry was a passion for you, and while it's tough with a lot of volunteer opportunities being business hours you could always do some anarchy food distribution on the weekends. Give out jars of peanut butter and loaves of bread to the homeless in your area. Organizations make it nice and simple but there's nothing (maybe laws but fuck those laws) saying you can't do it on your own. Good luck on your search for meaning, I hope you find what your looking for from life