this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2026
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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
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It is also possible that the fictional 9yo anon didn't have a firm grasp on physics, the wisdom not to endanger an animal for their own entertainment, nor the awareness that they didn't understand how actual parachutes work
(couldn't be me, at that age I had a drivers license, a stable job and the ability to vote)
The dad on the other hand...
Nope, straight to jail
Only thing the dad did wrong is set a bad example by getting caught laughing. Don't they say comedy is tragedy sped up?
Personally I wouldn't immediately lmao if I learned that my child had killed an animal hours prior, but yeah, I wouldn't go as far as accusing him of being a psychopath either
It'd be highly context sensitive for me. I had a horrific hamster accident as a kid myself, so I might laugh out of pure unprocessed trauma.
or with distance. like slipping in the mud, that's a tragedy. now tripping someone and seeing them slip in the mud, that's comedy gold.
This is how they get the voter fraud statistics.
You're skipping the first part of my statement. I can tell you didn't own an hamster either.
Lets say the hamster successfully parachuted down safely to the ground outside of a 4 story building. Hamsters can run quickly and squeeze into impossibly small places. There is a good chance the hamster, now unattended, would run away and escape. Hamster owners know this.
Here's a perfect example from a random youtube search. Hamster running away outside. 7 second. Thats how long it took for the unattended hamster to disappear into the underbrush. In this clip the owner was right there and able to recapture the hamster. A 9 year old would not be able to traverse 4 flights of stairs in under 10 seconds.
A 9 year hamster owner knows this too.
I did own a hamster, when I was 6 years old.
I also didn't know shit, because I was 6 years old,
and I don't know about the challenges of chasing a hamster (which has something to do with yeeting it out of the window, somehow?) because I didn't yeet a hamster out of the window,
and even if I did I wouldn't remember it well because I was 6 years old.
What kind of child were you at either of those ages,
sheldon_cooper@lemmy.world?I didn't get my first hamster until I was 8. Anon apparently has one at 9.
Sure, but we're talking about a kid 50% older than 6 years old. There's a lot of cognitive growth between those 3 years. I don't think you'd say you were as stupid at 9 as you were at 6 are you?
I don't know why I have to walk you through this, but okay: If anon at 9 assumed that the hamster would safely parachute down to the ground 4 stories down, then the moment that hamster was unguarded, it would bolt. A 9 year old that has ever taken their hamster outside knows this. A 9 year old typically doesn't want to lose their pet. So this was why I said that anon never had a hamster (as in this post is fake).
You don't remember anything from when you were 9 years old (as Anon was)? Are you saying if you had a pet at 9 you have no memory of it today? That...wouldn't be normal.