parenting

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I want to get my tween son a laptop, but I also want to teach him about internet competency beforehand. (hexbear.net)

submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by MF_BROOM@hexbear.net to c/parenting@hexbear.net

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How have y'all approached this with your own kids, and are there any resources out there you would also recommend? To date, my spouse and I have given our kid restricted internet access because of all the fucking AI slop and reactionary content that so many algorithms try to shove into the mouths of their users. I think the latter is especially relevant as it pertains to raising a boy in a patriarchal society and I obviously worry about the prospect of him stumbling across and consuming content from pond scum like Andrew Tate. And honestly even shit like Mr. Beast.

Sometimes it's challenging because he seems to have a number of friends who appear to have unrestricted access to everything, including the internet, and I think that bums him out a little. We want to give him more freedom in that regard, but we also want to be smart about it. But I do understand that some things may be out of our hands one way or the other and he might have to learn some things for himself with this increase in internet access.

Obviously part of internet competency is also just being safe and not giving out personally identifying information, don't click on suspicious shit that could be malicious, etc., so we do plan to teach him about that as well.

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[–] RedWizard@hexbear.net 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

I haven't gotten to this stage yet. However, one thing I'm considering is taking the "family computer" model by expanding it to "family computer time". Think of it like parallel play, where you and your son are using the internet, in a shared space, to explore your own interests independently. Ideally, they can see what you're doing and you can see what they're doing, so sitting side by side for example.

They get all the self directed engagement, but it isn't unsupervised. My hope is if we're both using our computers together, they'll be curious about what I'm doing, and that should prompt conversation.

Question: what kid of device access does your kid have in school?

The answer to that should help you understand what they're already capable of in terms of using a computer. They probably already know how to look up something they're interested in. They probably already know some sites they want to go to. Some things though, they might not know how to do.

Like, creating their own email account for example. Something they might need to get to sites they want.

As they hit road blocks while using the internet, if you're doing it in parallel, it should be natural for them to ask you questions to solve their road blocks.

Basically, my thinking is, like anything, modeling usage for your kids should go a long way in naturally teaching them. Being present while they have the freedom to explore their device and the internet should help you get a sense of what they're into, and let you catch things that you think are problematic.

I also believe its important to take less of a prescriptive approach to this. If this begins with long exposition about the internet they'll probably not want to do it. Basically don't preach, don't lecture, and probably show instead of tell.

Like, let's say your kid wants to watch a Mr. Beast video, it's probably better to watch it together and provide your own commentary over it then to just tell them "don't watch Mr. Beast," and then fly into a lecture about him.

That's all theory anyway. I think its summed up in the Authoritarian Parent vs the Authoritative Parent. Yes, "Authoritarian" in this context is bad. Presenting yourself as a knowledgeable source, and showing your knowledge, will go much farther then telling them not to do something.

[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 1 points 3 weeks ago

I like the family computer idea. Buy a refurbed Optiplex or Thinkstation and everyone can use that instead of a phone. What you're doing on there is more public than even a laptop and it's something people need to share. I'd just need to figure out where to put it. Modern houses are just big rooms with very few powerpoints, so wall space at ours is already taken up, and the valuable space near outlets even more so

[–] MF_BROOM@hexbear.net 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Yeah he's mostly used desktops in school I believe. Like in a computer lab. A family computer does make sense, would just need to figure out a place for it if we wanted to go that route. I do know that I personally didn't have my own laptop until college and used one of our two family computers growing up, and that worked out fine for me. I do like the idea of family computer time as well.