this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2026
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Mental Health

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Why do I so deeply hate myself ? (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 days ago by jason_is_json@lemmy.world to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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TW: Self hate, and maybe suicide ?

I rarely go out but I thought I would for getting some books in person yesterday. There is a bookstore in the mall and its crowded in weekends. Since its a mall it has mirrors all over the place, why does seeing myself trigger this deep self hatred ? it's almost as if I am ashamed to exist ? I cried and just laid in bed for a while and couldn't eat anything for the rest of the day. This was the worse 'Episode' ever and I have never had something this worse before. Is there a way I can stop it from getting worse ?

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[–] dingus@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I echo therapy if it's doable, but it's not really a "cure-all". I went through a LOT of different therapists and then finally went through a traumatic event before the traumatic event (with the background work of one of the therapists) oddly enough made that self-hatred click off like a light switch. The hope with therapy is that you find someone who clicks well with you and can help you dive into this.

I will say this...

I suddenly realized that I was a human being.

It sounds weird to say that I never realized it before, but that's how it is. I would talk about myself like I was some sort of evil monster...a demon even.

But take a step back for a second. You're a human being. You fucked something up? Guess what, you're a human being. You have a character flaw? Guess what, you're a human being. You're not an automaton. You're not an android. You're not a robot. You're a human being. You are flawed. But your flaws don't make you any less of a human being...they make you MORE human and MORE worthy of love for it, not less. You are no different from me or any other poster here. We are all flawed beings. Always expecting that you should just know better or do better are just setting yourself up for failure.

There is a Japanese concept called kintsugi. When a dish or other piece of glassware breaks, it isn't just glued back with super glue. It is glued back with gold...reforming a functional dish, but putting its flaws on display as something beautiful.

I know that I'm babbling on with things that may or may not help or anything, but it's where my path went and you can eventually end up there too.

Here's a bit of a breakdown with specific steps that were involved with mine

  1. Tried out a bunch of therapists, medications, etc. I stuck with one therapist for a while to be consistent even tho it didn't feel overly helpful. But one of her exercises she had me do was to write down all of the positive things about myself. I thought it was stupid but I did it anyway.

  2. I said the positive list out loud.

  3. The traumatic event happened and I angrily said the positive list out loud again...this time to someone who hurt me.

  4. I realized that I was a human being. (And so are others!)

  5. For many months, I would occasionally repeat this affirmation to myself: "You are a human being." I have given this affirmation to others as well. I like it because it is NOT pretending that you are better than you are, but it's very positive in its own way. Haven't needed to do it anymore, but it helped a lot for like 6 months.

  6. I bought some wristbands online with positive affirmations and I have worn them nearly daily for the past maybe 8-10 months. I keep the words on the inside so that only I can see them. It sounds incredibly cheesy because it is, but it honestly has helped me a lot. I have different ones so I can be more mindful of what affirmation I want at any given time.

  7. I continued therapy and changed medications several times until I was more stable. I have been on the same medication for around 6 months now and only see the therapist occasionally to check in.

So in all, my combo was intense therapy + traumatic realization + doing cheesy things to try to uplift myself + meds. Long fucking road.

I'm sorry I know this is long and rambling and maybe an intimidating read. Have you ever sought therapy before?