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I'm only an adult because I'm 40 but I feel like a child. Is anyone as lost as I feel now? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 days ago by marc4267@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I've realized I'm a very atypical person: talking to coworkers in my age range today I realized they have a better financial situation than mine: they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don't need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.

Me: I'm 43, I don't own but rent, meaning I pay for something I'm never going to own. The last 2 years I've been saving like crazy because I'm afraid of not having enough money for retirement, and because in my past I did so much stupid shit, meaning I wasted so many years not doing anything of use.

I have around 100K in the bank, I know I should invest but I'm also scared of losing that money and I don't know if I should use that money as a down payment for a house.

My father owns 3 houses and I envy him. I've been thinking about asking him to sell one of the houses and give me the proceeds so I can buy my own place because some of my coworkers did that and could finance their own home. When my father went to study to another state my grandfather bought him a house there so he wouldn't have to rent. When he moved back to home state he sold and invested the money to buy a new house there. He had way easier than me. It's not fair. I feel... unloved?

I guess this makes me an entitled ass but I feel so... lost?

To summarize, I feel like a loser because I'm old, I'm behind most of my coworkers my age, I'm a very individualistic person but this means I'm going to die alone, but sometimes I feel alone and scared of being old and alone. I don't own anything of value to my name, it's like I'm an old teenager.

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[–] SpongyAneurysm@feddit.org 2 points 23 hours ago

Same dude.
I'm a bit younger, married have a baby and some money on my savings account. But we currently live off my wives income, pay rent and lots of it. The appartment is barely adequate but we're still stretching our means right now, because I can't keep a job. After spending a decade to get a college degree and another decade in which I only managed to be employed for less than 3 years, I don't feel like an adult who is in control of their life.

I still feel like the teenager I used to be, just with more experiences, more responsibility and less support.

Meanwhile, most of my friends are raising their families in their own houses, or those who spent time in academia to get a PhD are building one.

But to be honest, I feel like most people work on the same dynamics they learned as teenagers or young twens and are just larping being an adult.
They just do so, with a lot more self-confidence, than I can muster. I suppose it's easier to build that, when you're either raised with a lot more privilege or when you attach your self-worth to the status symbols you can afford with a solid income.

Or maybe that's just my loser's perspective, idk.

Regarding your situation: Yeah, you probably shouldve taken care of your savings a bit better. And your co-workers have the advantage of having made their investments earlier. The best time to invest is always 50 years ago or something. The second best time is always NOW!

I suggest you tackle the topic of your finances sooner than later.

The main issue is, that you have to know what the goals are, that you're investing money for. Every strategy will have to reflect that.

And you can struggle feeling like an adult a lot more comfortably, when you don't have to worry about the future so much.