I’m semi-closeted transfeminine. I don’t go to salons, etc., usually. But I recently started going to get my eyebrows threaded/tweezed because it’s actually been pretty good bang for my buck: I like the way my face looks quite a bit more for about a month, for less money than a manicure. The place I’ve been going offers “men’s eyebrow services,” which partly made me feel welcome initially. I’ve always booked a “men’s eyebrow service,” because as a largely guy-presenting person I feel like a bit of an intruder in a space that I see as mainly for women. That said, once my butt’s in the seat I’m asking for a “more feminine look” while generally having difficulty articulating what I want.
I had someone new to me at the same salon do them yesterday, and I got home and instantly hated the way my eyebrows looked – too masculine, too much like they looked before the appointment. I thought back to how the aesthetician had been telling me about other clients of hers who are men at the start of the appointment. She seemed to only notice my purple-polished fingernails half-way through the appointment.
I’m posting because I’m in a listless, bad mood that’s spilled into another day. I’m really frustrated that I didn’t get the “like the way my face looks more” payout I was expecting. Maybe part of me is disallowing that frustration or anger under the belief that it is overblown, ultimately thwarting my processing of the experience. And I feel pretty powerless about righting the situation. I could have a go at trying to fix my eyebrows myself, but that seems risky, especially given how fresh the situation is – I’m worked up and don’t want to make things worse. I’m busy for the next 3 weeks. In 3 weeks, I think I’ll go back to an aesthetician at the same place whose work I’ve liked in the past at the same salon and explain that I'm hoping to fix things while avoiding criticism about my last appointment with someone else. (It was only due to scheduling conflicts that I didn’t see the usual person yesterday.)
I feel a little absurd for posting this. But this has bugged me far more than I expected – which is probably telling – and I've been listless. Still trying to get back to my baseline. I guess another lesson I've learned is to stick to someone whose work I like. Hugs and tips about navigating beauty appointments are welcome <3
Some really good advice I was given a long time ago was to tell the stylist not to take eyebrow hair off from the top, only the bottom. This will force the stylist to give you a more feminine arch instead of a subtle touch-up. When stylists wax cis guys' eyebrows, they're basically just getting rid of asymmetries off the top and sides and keeping it natural. Sometimes I'm also direct and say I'd like an arch. There's a lot of eyebrow theory with confusing diagrams and geometry, but usually just saying those things gets me the results I want.
I wish someone had told me this since way back when, but you don't have to box yourself into services designated "for men" while in the closet, and you're not an intruder. I'm sure most of the clientele are cis women and out trans women, but brow-waxing services aren't inherently women-only and you're allowed to to make a regular eyebrow appointment without outing yourself. When beauticians specifically market their services for men, they have expertise that isn't really applicable to you and they go in with certain expectations about what styles their clients want, which you experienced. It sounds like this stylist isn't a good fit, and a regular aesthetician might be more receptive to what you want. And you deserve the brow shape you want.
I go to a stylist where it's just a small studio in some shared office space, so it's just you and the stylist and not a room full of other people, so that might be an option if you're worried about other people. But most people are wrapped up in their own little worlds and aren't gawking at strangers, and it gets easier the more you do it.
That's a lot really good advice. Thank you so much ❤️