Asklemmy

Might as well be ... you have no idea of the sadness I feel. I am completely normal, I go about my work and I do the things I always did before ... on the outside everything is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, my mind, my thoughts and my perception of the world has changed ... I no longer feel the same sense of joy and happiness of doing things .. I always go back to thinking of the person I lost and how she is not here any more ... it's pervasive and deep. I feel like someone has draped a big heavy wet blanket over me and it hangs on me all the time. And yes ... the colors of the world don't seem to be as bright any more ... they don't fill me with the same awe and happiness they once did. They do cheer me up but it's like lighting a tiny candle in a deep dark cave.

I've lost lots of people in my life ... my brother, my aunts and uncles ... friends from my age group, friends who were older, friends who were younger ... my grandparents ... both my parents ... and I've handled all those with a lot acceptance and understanding ... I lived through them with my wife who supported me through all of it .... but this ... this is like having your soul removed and you feel like you are operating your body like an empty vessel. Life feels very mechanical now ... I go about doing things like I always did but everything is without meaning now and I constantly wonder why I am doing anything.