this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2026
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my former instance: sh.itjust.works decided to become sh.it doesn't fucking.works
So I said: "You know what, fuck this, I'm out"
So I'm here in piefed...
Kinda took a 2 day break from Fediverse while doing the troubleshooting and making new account and stuff...
Felt less depressed from all the doomerism here, but also felt a lot more "empty" (idk how to describe it...)
IRL: idk its been a week since mom went to visit China, for like a whole month...
As I said before, the house feels so quiet and empty and its depressing...
I mean I don't get jumpscared/anxious by my mom's voice... but its like putting out the campfire when you feel the fire was getting too hot, then now the fire is gone and you feel freezing instead...
but emotionally... know what I mean?
Kinda feeling very suicidal for some reason...
I mean I think I'm just gonna never make friends...
The gods... universe... or whatever... is just making me suffer...
When my parents die, I'm gonna have no one...
Life seems so sad... idk why...
Like what's the point? everything dies...
How can you even trust anyone in the world? Friends? Romantic relationships?
How do you even feel safe to make connections when at anytime, people can betray you?
You never know what someone's motives are...
Oh fuck I did it again... causal conversation became a rant... sorry... but I don't feel like deleting the comment so I'm just gon a comment it lol
I heard that antidepressants can ironically make you more suicidal since you get more energetic... I wonder if this is that...
Would be so awkward if I die from antidepressants that's supposed to make me less depressed and less suicidal in the first place...