this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2026
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Struggling with this lately. Relationships are pain, no matter what. But how much is worth it? How much for how long is worth it? I don't know, and I don't think I'd trust anyone who told me. And it's killing me.
Unconditional love is toxic. Sure it could be reasonable to attempt to commit unconditionally but if in 3 years no changes have been made, it's reasonable to end the relationship as well. Written or not, every relationship has conditions, they are often flexible, they aren't written in stone, but the conditions are there.
You won't trust me, but get out. Loss aversion is an incredibly powerful phenomenon that makes people make unrational choices and hold onto relationships that are not as fulfilling as alternative relationships could be. Sunk cost is another thing that keeps people together longer than they should too. The vast majority of people that do break out of relationships with these types of feelings end up only having regrets about not doing it sooner upon delayed retrospection.
I would love to help you. Sadly any advice I could offer would be plagued by my strange way of thinking.
But eh, I will try, what I do is assign arbitrary values to certain things, for example human connection is 5 (i am pulling stuff out of the air here) and lying is -3 (I must also note that this would require some thinking in the way what is important to you and how much, and in what way)
The just add up all the numbers of all the things that matter to you, is the value positive it may be an ok relationship, if it is negative it may be not.
Again thats my way of doing this based purely on my spicy brain and inability to properly process emotions