Comic Strips

1. ケチャップをよこせ！
2. ケチャップをくれよ！
3. ケチャップを、今すぐ！
4. ケチャップがどうしても必要だ！
5. ケチャップをくれ、さもないと殺すぞ！
6. ケチャップ野郎は誰だ？ケチャップを持ってこい！
7. ケチャップが出るまであと３秒。その後、クソ野郎どもを殺し始めるぞ！
8. お前は私のケチャップ奴隷だ。今すぐケチャップをくれ、さもないとお前の家族を殺すぞ。お願いします。 　 Using 私 in example 8 instead of オレ様 might look like a mistake but you have to understand that this is formal Japanese. In these sorts of situations everyone is armed to the teeth and one wrong word can lead to a massacre.

One time while attending a nomikai I drank before my senior and was beaten within an inch of my life. As they were about to finish me off with a rocket launcher my senpai swallowed a grenade on my behalf, excused himself and blew up outside the izakaya, this was fortunately enough for the senior to spare my life.

I am forever indebted to Suzuki-san for his noble sacrifice. Please use the above phrases well and you might survive and even thrive in Japan.

I'm writing this message from my hospital bed where I am waiting to have 50 chopsticks removed from my rectum (unrelated incident). Thank you again, Suzuki-san. I know you are watching over me from above in heaven.