An agile, twenty-first century capable elite armed Brigade of 5000 troops is being stood up right now, ready to deploy. That unique and fearsome force will, I am reliably informed, be comprised of 800 bandsmen, 300 cooks, 500 truck drivers, 400 bottle washers, 100 lawyers, 50 chaplains, with the remainder being daily Telegraph journalists who, let’s face it, work for the MoD anyway, plus Civil Servants who are well up for it.

A further brigade may also be stood up in the coming days. Morris dancers, druids from Stonehenge and reiki healers from Glastonbury are being tapped up for support.

Asylum seekers who cross the channel on rubber dinghies are to be offered UK citizenship if they join the fight.

Unfortunately, all of the available combat troops are tied up on diversity, equality and inclusion training, and therefore unable to make it as they are not fully licensed to fight in a manner that might not spread hurty feelings that are contrary to British values. But this truly groundbreaking force that Keir Starmer is readying will strike fear into the hearts of the Cypriot government, if not the Iranian mullahs themselves.

Pretty funny but not sure what you want me to take away from this. I still don't understand how your analogy fits these new troops being sent there.