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I looked like a 10 year old girl the entire time I was in school and didn't attract any boys. My breasts only started growing after I graduated from high school and they're still small. I still look underage and still don't attract any men my age. I have never known a man to call me beautiful or hold the door for me, I don't know how to flirt and I can't imagine myself doing it.
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My mother always did all the work for me. Even when I was going to wash the dishes myself, shed snatch the plate out of my hands and wash it herself. Yes, I was the problem too, I wasn't persistent enough, but I was a lazy and apathetic child, and if someone did something for me, I never minded. Especially when my mother did it, it seemed natural to me. I didn't know that many girls my age already knew how to cook. Now I have to learn all of it myself and I feel incredibly pathetic as a woman.
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This close bond between mother and daughter is alien to me. I've never been close to my mother, I almost never shared my feelings with her. Partly this is because of my school years, when I had problems with other kids, and I didn't say anything to her so as not to upset her. And also, we are just very different people. She is very sociable, likes to talk for hours without expressing a single complete thought. I feel like a terrible daughter, but I just have a hard time to tolerate it, I tried, but I can't. I communicate much better with my father.
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I dont know how to look good. When all the girls in my school wore makeup, I didn't have any. When I was finally able to buy it myself, I looked really ridiculous. So much time has passed, and I still can't put makeup on well on this face. When I buy clothes for myself, they look stupid, it seems like I have no idea what suits me and what doesn't, and I don't know how to combine them well. I even watched video tutorials on this, but it doesn't help. I'm always amazed by schoolgirls with good makeup and stylish clothes. It's as if other girls have some kind of innate talent for it, but I don't.
There's a lot more I could say, but that's the gist of it. I don't know what to do, and I'd like to hear what other women with similar experiences think, but I wouldn't mind hearing what men think, too.
I think you don't owe the world a specific type of femininity. I think if you are comfortable being who you are, if you are comfortable in your own skin, then just live and be and don't worry about all this nonsense. On the other hand, if you do want these things, then pursue them, put effort into them.
I was in a relationship for 12 years with a woman who couldn't cook and wasn't very good at cleaning. It only became an issue when I was diagnosed with cancer and was still trying to do it all on my own. You shouldn't feel pathetic, a lot of young people from millennials on down just simply weren't being taught all the "how to take care of yourself as an adult" stuff. That's not unique to you, it's a pretty common issue, actually.
Once again, if you want to be better at these things, go for it, practice them and get better, just make a commitment to it. Learning to cook and clean are their own reward, as they help your budget and your hygiene. However the rest is just a culture of expectations for women that don't fit the reality of most women. This has been this way a long time. I suggest reading The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvior, which is largely about what you're experiencing in "not feeling like a woman" because you don't fit societal/cultural standards. The beauty standards today, especially, are becoming hyper-unrealistic. Not fitting those cultural stereotypes doesn't make you any less of a woman (if you even want to be a woman, that is).
Thank you(◡‿◡✿)