ADHD

I suspect I have ADHD (maybe inattentive).

Never have suspected this to be true until a few months ago - I am 31 years old.

Sadly, I used to think about people who said they have ADHD were making excuses for their poor behavior or work performance. (Sorry I guess)

'Everyone has a little bit of ADHD' 'We are all a little autistic'

How do you folks deal with statements such as these? And is it possible the people saying this are undiagnosed amd projecting (like I think I was)?

Recently when someone says that I simple say 'No, (disorder x, y, z) is a (category i.e. developmental) disorder meaning the person's CNS or psyche has developed incorrectly'

Which simply yields more arguing. . .

My next question---

Background - I have struggled my whole life with life. My apartment is constantly messy save a few weeks out of the year, my insurance goes un updated and I drive illegally, I do not speak to people for days on end (family included), deadlines are almost never met, the phrase 'anything without immediate and serous consequence, is invisible and impossible to do' is very accurate to my entire life.

I have been searching for 31 years (more or less) for explanations as to why I am so much more dysfunctional than my peers

Question: Is ADHD/ADD really this debilitating, or must it be a combination of things?

Because if this ultimately explains most if not all of my difficulties, why isnt this treated as a severe disability? Because I am barely capable of doing anything if there.

Are no immediate consequence - and for many adult things- there are not.

Additional ramble- I initiated an assessment with a psychologist outside of my insurance coverage as it has been too difficult for me to navigate the system so I am paying out of pocket. I initially asked for an autism/ADHD assessment/ but after doing more learning I see autism as less likely in my case although perhaps I dont know.

I am so frustrated that at 31 years old and multiple encounters with psychologist, psychiatrists and other MDs none have ever even hinted at ADHD the most I've gotten is--mild and or moderate depression, general anxiety/social anxiety