this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
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Toxic shit they teach women so they "fight" to put up with neglectful men
Even healthy relationships need work, that being said you should never stay in an unhappy one
Work != Fight
A lot of single people think any effort means the relationship is a failure.
They idealize this as an 'effortless' relationship... which usually is just a product of them being deeply selfish people who think their needs are all that matters. Typically, it's the 'if he wanted to he would' crap, which is just 'my partner should read my mind at all times' toxic mentality.
That's entirely true. wasted my 20s and nost of my 30s in effort intensive relationships because i thought i wasnt being a good enough boyfriend but the reality is i just didn't want to do those things for my exes, I didn't really love them like that. I just saw they were wonderful people and wanted them for that, but now im in a six year relationship and i never once felt like i had to make an effort. It just pops into my head to buy her flowers randomly and i do it joyfully, zero effort. I actually have to put in effort to spend less money on her that's the only effort i put in to the relationship, reminding myself we need to save and not to spend too much on her now.
You sound like a jerk, frankly.
Jerks make excuses for themselves like this, and reduce everything to their 'feelings'. Your current girlfriend isn't magically different than your exes, you probably just find her hotter and work harder for her, and you should have never dated those other women in the first place if you were not attracted to them.
Super common to find people who hate their partners or aren't attracted to them who refuse to make any effort because of that. It's usually because they are lazy and lack accountability, and often blame their partner for their lack of effort.
It's both. It's easy to fall into a pattern of fighting for a relationship that isn't worth the effort, of doing too much and putting up with too much. But also, great relationships don't just happen when two compatible people get together. You have to intentionally grow and change and become right for each other. You'll have fights and idiosyncrasies that you have to work through. You'll have to grow and change and compromise as well as figuring out how not to do it too much.
A happy marriage is a long term collaborative project. But the individuals have to understand when it isn't something that's on the table and learn to walk away. I'm radically pro divorce and also happily married.