this post was submitted on 19 Mar 2026
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Autism
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Have ADHD. Most relationships ended similarly. Early on I didn’t realize the impact of my disability and how it affected my relationships. They didn’t either, I suppose until the honeymoon phase wore off. My spontaneity, “quirkiness”, complete inability to follow any kind of routine, frequent burnout and poor coping mechanisms accelerated their demise.
Now I am much more aware of my limits and issues and I communicate them. I communicate more in general. My spouse also being an extroverted introvert with limited social energy is a large factor. I don’t have to exhaust myself by masking as much. We enjoy quiet activities and share similar hobbies and/or the same ones. But we also have things neither of us are into but we’ll hang out and do them separately.
It sounds to me like you were making a genuine effort and they were tired of compromising. For your relationship to last almost two decades is saying quite a bit. Perhaps you just haven’t found someone similar enough. But I also think your spouse is largely to blame from what sounds like giving up. Did you try counseling and or were they open to it?