this post was submitted on 19 Mar 2026
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Autism

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Autism and Relationships (feddit.org)
submitted 2 days ago by wisely@feddit.org to c/autism@lemmy.world
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Does anyone have any experiences, frustrations or advice that they would like to share about maintaining long term relationships or starting over as someone with autism?

I‘m a millennial woman, and keeping people in my life has been a lifelong struggle. Today my spouse wants a divorce after 16 years of marriage. The reason stated is because of autism. I’m introverted, like to plan things, tend to lose focus and it’s like people just eventually get bored of you.

I have no family support, grew up in the foster system. I would lose my health insurance, home and everything in a divorce. Friends are through my spouse.

Feel free to PM me too if you are interested in talking. Could use a friend or maybe advice trying to start my life over somewhere else that I can get healthcare. I also happen to be learning German but open to talking with anyone.

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[–] sleepmode@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Have ADHD. Most relationships ended similarly. Early on I didn’t realize the impact of my disability and how it affected my relationships. They didn’t either, I suppose until the honeymoon phase wore off. My spontaneity, “quirkiness”, complete inability to follow any kind of routine, frequent burnout and poor coping mechanisms accelerated their demise.

Now I am much more aware of my limits and issues and I communicate them. I communicate more in general. My spouse also being an extroverted introvert with limited social energy is a large factor. I don’t have to exhaust myself by masking as much. We enjoy quiet activities and share similar hobbies and/or the same ones. But we also have things neither of us are into but we’ll hang out and do them separately.

It sounds to me like you were making a genuine effort and they were tired of compromising. For your relationship to last almost two decades is saying quite a bit. Perhaps you just haven’t found someone similar enough. But I also think your spouse is largely to blame from what sounds like giving up. Did you try counseling and or were they open to it?